Anecdotes, Antidotes, and Anodes

Breast Cancer Awareness...My Story Part 5

continued from previous post. . .

...and so my journey...my new life begins:

It doesn't seem as dark as yesterday. There appears to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm hoping that light is not a train. The road to the end of that tunnel will be rocky. The first thing I have to do is tell my precious daughters that I have breast cancer. 

It hasn't been that long since sharing the news with them that I had filed for divorce from their dad. That's earth shattering enough for a high-schooler and a middle-schooler. Their dad and I had been married for twenty-one years. This is not going to be easy to add one more crisis to their young lives.

My friend who was with me the day of my surgery, came to take me home from the hospital. Her husband was the pathologist who saw the cancer cells first. She took me to her house, and I lay on her couch in the fetal position for about an hour. Her house was warm and cozy, and I wanted to just sink into that couch and disappear between the cushions.

Her husband, Dr. B., came home and we discuss my plan for chemotherapy. The treatments will be done at the Cancer Care Center in Tulsa. Dr. B. had called Dr. S. earlier that day, and I was on his list of new patients. Just like that, I have a new doctor. An oncologist. That sounded so foreign to me. I have an oncologist.

For the next hour, I am scheduling appointments just like I would schedule a hair cut. Except these appointments would save my life.  Dr. S. has already received the report and insists that I begin chemo immediately.

I am thinking that I need to recover from the surgery first, and then begin chemo.

"We can't wait," Dr. S. told me.

Well, that shook me to the core. "What do you mean...we can't wait?" I asked.

Because you have a very, very aggressive cancer and we must treat it aggressively, NOW !" he explained.

My first visit with Dr. S., my oncologist, was scheduled. 

I pull myself up by my bootstraps, which was a damn hard thing to do because I wasn't wearing boots, go to my house, and with all the courage I could muster, share the news with my precious daughters. (Pulling myself up by my bootstraps was a phrase my dad had used during my childhood. I had done it many times before, I could do it again.)

There have never been two more brave little girls than my  daughters.  Looking into their eyes that day, I knew I would beat this thing called cancer. They were my support. They were my reason to fight for my life with every ounce of my being. 

My Texas aunt drove up to be with me for my first appointment with Dr. S., my oncologist. This was just the first of many trips she would make to help push and pull me through this.  My relationship with her has vacillated from being the big sister I never had, my mom many times when I was little... and big, and always a best friend. Now she was my chaperone, house cleaner, cook, car-pooler, nurse and caregiver . . . and anybody else she needed to be.

We waited together for Dr. S., my oncologist, to walk into the examining room.

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170,000 women (and a few men) will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year.

98% of the cases are curable if caught early enough.

When was your last mammogram?

Do you need to schedule a mammogram?

When did you last perform a self-exam?

Breast Cancer Awareness...My Story Part 4

(continued from previous posts)

  . . . Dr. H's eyes lock with mine and I immediately know the b-b-sized bump is NOT harmless.

The words, "There are C ! A ! N ! C !E ! R ! cells," are bouncing off the walls of my hospital room and begin to reverberate inside my head. They shake my entire being. A Richter Scale somewhere is recording a 10.0 earthquake in Oklahoma.

My world is turning BLACK. I can not breathe. I can not see. I can not hear. I can not think. I can not feel my hands. 

This is a nightmare. Wake up ! But I'm not sleeping.  I am wide awake. I am asking myself:

"How do I tell my two daughters that I have breast cancer?"

On the day I turned 39, I wondered what it would feel like to be 40. I had always heard the expression, "Forty and pregnant." I surely didn't want to be 40 and pregnant. I was in the midst of a divorce. I just didn't know that when I turned 40, I would be bald.

Dr. H was gentle with his words, but they shook me to the core of my being:  very aggressive cancer, mastectomy, cancer, lumpectomy, cancer, chemotherapy, cancer, radiation, cancer, double-blind studies, cancer, support group, cancer ...and then I stopped listening. My ears refused to hear anymore.

At first, I thought my whole world would change, but it didn't take long to realize, some things never change.  The unconditional love for my two daughters and their unconditional love for me would always be there...an even deeper love and understanding like we had never known developed. My family was still my family and my friends were still my friends. I was still me. I just had CANCER ! Not the "C-word" but CANCER ! No euphemisms. I call 'em like I see 'em.  CANCER !

Yes, I had cancer. Cancer did NOT have me. 

There would still be sunshine and rain and rainbows. The moon and stars would still glitter in the night sky. The flowers would still bloom, the birds would still sing, and the dogs would still bark. My classroom would still on on the third floor at Central Middle School. My students would still be mine, they would just have a substitute teacher for awhile.

Yes, life would still go on...with or without me. I had to make a choice whether to throw a pity-party for myself, mope and be miserable or squeeze every ounce of life out of every minute I had left and make the most of a bad situation. I chose the latter. I knew the importance of being a good role-model. My girls needed their mother and I planned to be that role-model...strong yet vulnerable. 

I will survive !

And so my journey...my new life begins.

to be continued...

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In the length of time it has taken you to read this post, the worlds of approximately three women (possibly a man) have turned black because they have heard the same words Dr. H. spoke to me.
"There are CANCER cells."

Every two minutes, breast cancer is diagnosed. Of the next seven women you see, one will probably be diagnosed with breast cancer.

If you take the time to read this post again, someone has died of breast cancer.

This is not written to alarm or scare you. It is written to inform you that EARLY DETECTION saves lives.

Breast Self-Exams and mammograms can detect lumps early.
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For infomation about ChemoAngels, clink this link.

Breast Cancer Awareness...My Story: Part 3

(continued from previous posts)

..harmless !

My car must have known the way from school to Dr. H's office because I don't remember driving there. I don't remember parking, or walking out of the parking garage, or signing in with the receptionist.

I do remember the x-ray and the needle...the needle used to aspirate the little b-b-sized bump that has positioned itself in my left breast.

I do remember Dr. H. saying, "There was no fluid."

I do remember asking, "What does that mean?"

I do remember Dr. H. saying, "We're going to take it out just to be safe."

I do remember asking, "When?"

I do remember Dr. H. saying, "As soon as possible."

I do remember my ears ringing, my throat burning, and my mouth going dry.

As soon as possible was the following Tuesday. That means I have the rest of today and tonight, all day Saturday and Saturday night, all day Sunday and Sunday night, all day Monday and Monday night to think about this little b-b-sized bump.  Harmless. . .

My principal scheduled a substitute teacher for me on Tuesday and Wednesday, but I assured him I would be back on Thursday. How difficult could this be? 

I share the news with my daughters and assure them everything will be fine.

It is my job to assure EVERYONE that EVERYTHING will be fine, including myself.

Just to complicate my life, I happen to be in the throes of a divorce. The girls' dad is in New Jersey on a business trip, so I try to be their rock. I try to be my rock. It's pretty difficult being a rock with shaky knees. Their mom having surgery is not what they need to hear during the divorce proceedings. It is not what I need to hear either.

The next three days are a blur. Seems like my whole life is just a blur. I am going through the motions of everyday life, and my body is numb, but the b-b-sized bump hasn't disappeared. It is still there.  Harmless. . .

I've never figured out those hospital gowns:
How do they gap open so W I D E ? Why is it that sometimes they tie in the front and sometimes they tie in the back? And no matter where they tie, they still gap open. A roll of duct tape and a stapler should be issued with them.

My aunt and one of my best friends are in the room with me. Their faces are smiling but their worry shows. They each kiss me as my bed on wheels is rolled to parts unknown. Sweet words are whispered in my ear and then the medication takes over my brain. I remember being wheeled into the elevator. I do not remember being wheeled out of the elevator.

Dr. H. is my surgeon. He is also my friend. His son is in my sixth grade class.  Dr. B. is the assisting surgeon. He is also my friend. Dr. K. is my anesthesiologist. He is also my friend. I am surrounded by friends. I will be fine.

I don't know how long I was in surgery. It could have been hours. It could have been days. All I know is I am back in my room with tubes protruding from my body. I wonder if my left breast is still protruding from my body. I am afraid to look or touch. Dr. H. was to make the decision during the surgery as to how much tissue would be removed. The tissue would be sent immediately while I was in surgery to the pathologist to determine . . . B.E.N.I.G.N or C.A.N.C.E.R. 

My aunt and my friend are waiting and still smiling. For the life of me, I cannot remember where my girls are. I want them with me.

The door to my hospital room slowly opens and a Dr. H's head with his blue 'hat' emerges. I search for his eyes...

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In the length of time it has taken you to read this post, approximately 3 women have received the news that they have breast cancer and 1 has died. (and possibly a man) 

Please help me spread the word that early detection saves lives. Ask a friend if she knows how to do a Breast Self Exam or if she is due a mammogram.

And you guys out there...have you asked your wife, girlfriend, mom, sister, daughter...?

Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women.

Have I mentioned that early detection saves lives?

Who have you called about this topic? You may save a life.

Breast Cancer Awareness...My Story: Part 2

(continued from previous post)

...there seemed to be no change since the last time I had done a breast self-exam.  But wait, what is that little 'bump' rolling around under my finger?  Oh, maybe just a bit of scar tissue from a biopsy done several years earlier.  It was B.E.N.I.G.N. Just a calcification that the doctor said I seemed to be prone to having.

My ears were still ringing from that deafening thunder-like noise that awakened me, making it all the more difficult to concentrate on this b-b-sized bump that wasn't supposed to be here.  Once that noise cleared out of my head, another one moved in.

B.E.N.I.G.N.  kept pounding between my ears.

Deciding to check it out in the mirror, I stumbled to the bathroom in the dark. Who keeps moving the light switch? I don't need any more challenges at 2:00 in the morning. The mirror revealed a tiny little dimple just below the biopsy scar. Harmless. Harmless, I thought.

Having stayed awake the rest of the night morning, I called Dr. H's office promptly at 8:00 to schedule an appointment that day after school.  Harmless. . .

to be continued

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Challenge:  Call 2 friends today to remind them about Breast Cancer Awareness Month and ask them to call 2 people and so on and so forth.  In a few weeks, someone who was on this 'call list' will have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Your phone call may save her life.

Questions:

1. When was the last time you did a breast self-exam?

2. When was your last mammogram? Is your next one scheduled?

3. When should you have your first mammogram?

4. Who are the 2 people you are going to call?

By the time you finish reading this post, 3 women will have received a diagnosis about breast cancer that will change their lives forever. Within the next 90 seconds, a family will lose one of its member due to breast cancer.

 

 

 

Breast Cancer Awareness...My Story: Part 1

 

The noise shattered the night freezing me in the stillness and the blackness of my bedroom. I waited for my ears to wakeup. Silence. It was deafening. What had caused me to wake from a sound sleep? I dared not move for several minutes. Finally, all my senses awakened and I mustered up the courage to tip-toe down the hallway and check on my sleeping daughters. The rhythm of their breathing was music to my ears.

Did I dare turn on the lights to check the rest of the house for a possible intruder? I did. All the windows and doors were still locked. Nothing looked suspicious. I turned on all the outside lights and returned to bed.

After several minutes of lying there, wide awake and totally confused as to what had happened, something reminded me I had not done a breast self-exam in quite sometime. I let my fingers press against my breast, hoping against hope that they would find nothing out of the ordinary. . .

to be continued.

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Challenge: Call 2 people today about Breast Cancer Awareness and share the importance of self exams and mammograms. Ask them to call two other people with the same information. . . and so on and so forth. By the end of today, someone will have heeded a request and within the next few weeks, learn that she has breast cancer. Your call may have saved her life.

1. When did you perform you last breast self-exam?

2. When was your last mammogram? Are you due for another?

3. When should you have your first mammogram?

4. Who are the 2 people you are going to call and ask them these questions?

Since you started reading this, 3 women have been told the news that will change their lives forever. She has breast cancer. One family will lose a member in the next 90 seconds because of breast cancer.

Early detection saves lives.

Link to how to do a self-exam.