Assignment: Complete this sentence...
Thanksgiving 2020 will go down in history as probably being ______________________.
As difficult as it was, Hans and I agreed to tell our kids that our house was closed this year for Thanksgiving. As for us and many of you, it may be the first time there won’t be kids and grandkids and other family members sitting around the table on Thursday.
This post has a three-fold objective.
1) To reminisce of Thanksgivings-past
2) To give advice about how to thaw, clean, and cook your turkey
3) To give you some idea about what it’s like communicating with HansMan or in other words: Welcome to My World
This will be accomplished with bits and pieces of conversations over the years between HansMan and myself. Of course, there are photographs to prove what I'm saying. Four-letter words have been omitted or disguised. Please keep in mind that HansMan has always been ‘in charge of the bird.’ You would think after 20+ some-odd-turkeys he would figure it out. Or not.
One Thanksgiving . . . quite some time ago:
K: You will need to take the turkey out of the freezer before Thursday so it can thaw. (This was on Monday.)
H: Okay
K: You will need to take the turkey out of the freezer so it can thaw. (This was on Tuesday.)
H: Okay
K: You will need to take the turkey out of the freezer so it can thaw. (This was on Wednesday.)
H: Okay
K: Did you take the turkey out of the freezer? (This was Thursday morning about 6:00 a.m.)
H: No. Did you?
K: You had ONE (*insert 4-letter word(s) of your choice here*) job !
H: But I thought you would do it for me.
(Yes, this is a hot tub. Yes, this is the frozen turkey.)
Another Thanksgiving:
K: Did you take the turkey out?
H: Yes
K: Be sure to put it somewhere so the dogs can’t reach it.
H: Okay
(Junior, Bubba, & June Bug...and the turkey he placed out of reach)
A Different Thanksgiving:
K: Did you take the turkey out?
H: Yes
K: Be sure to put it somewhere so the dogs can’t reach it.
H: Okay
(Junior cleaning the bird that Hans put out of reach. Please enlarge this photo and notice the size of that dog's tongue.
His eyes are saying, "I think I can get this whole thing in my mouth.)
Last year:
H: Turkey’s stuffed and in the oven.
K: Wow! That’s great.
H: It will cook 4 hours at 160 degrees.
*several seconds of silence* and *several looks of disbelief*
K: 160 degrees???
H: Yes. That’s what the directions said.
K: I don’t think that’s the correct temperature.
H: Yes it is. It’s on the directions.
K: That bird will have to ‘cook’ until Christmas for it to get done.
It is at this point I need to control my controlling self/mouth.
Do I get the directions and show him what they really say?
Do I just turn up the temperature myself without him knowing?
Do I continue to argue with him?
Nope.
I know there is another bird being fried outside. So, we will have a turkey. It just won't be the one warming in the 160 degree oven.
This is the turkey after 'cooking' for four hours.
I wish you could have seen the look on HansMan's face when he took the lid off the roaster and saw the raw bird.
Want to guess what he said ?
I'll tell you.
He said, "Kathy, there's something wrong with YOUR oven."
Of course, I had the directions in my hand at this point. and read them to him . . . the turkey is done when it reaches AN INTERNAL TEMPERATURE of 160 degrees. To which I added, "You don't cook it at 160 degrees!"
Should you have any questions about how to thaw your turkey, clean your turkey, or cook your turkey, The HansMan Turkey Hotline is open 24/7.
Just call him at BR-549. (If you know the significance of that number, you’re old.) Or, just post your questions/comments here.
But, if you’re not very much interested in having a case of turkey food poisoning or you don't like your turkey being cleaned by a Boxer, you might want to call the Butterball people. They’ll talk to you on Thanksgiving, at 1-800-288-8372 from 6:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. and normal hours are from 9:00 a.m.- 7:00 p.m. daily. Butterball has also added the option of texting. Now through Thanksgiving, you can text the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line experts 24/7 at 844-877-3456.
Just sayin’. . .
