Anecdotes, Antidotes, and Anodes

Suthern Words & Usage 52-64 Plus a Helpin' of Spam

Ranch:  tool
Go look in the back of mah truck and fetch me that ranch.

Spearmint: text
The tacher had us do a spearmint in science class.

Warshin:  laundry
My Uncle Joe does his warshin' every week. 

Watchamacallit: something you can't remember the name of
We need a watchamacallit and a thangamajig to finish this project. 

Waytoutcheer:  don't come in
Ah'll just be a minute, so yew waytoutcheer.

Wholenuther:  amount
Well now, that's a wholenuther story. 

Ya'll: contraction for you all
It will be so good to see ya'll at the family reunion. 

Yoresef:  second person, singular pronoun
Yew need to take care of yoresef. 

Yawnder: far off
On a clare daye, yew can see way over yanwder. 

Youenzeez:  Ya'll plus 3
I hope that youenzeez can come over for barbeecue. 

Yousall:  Youenzeez plus everyone else
It will take several pickup trucks to get yousall to the ballgame. 

Zackley:  accurately, precisely
Yew know zackley wut aym talkin' 'bout.

 

Photo: HansMan's idea of a fully stocked pantry.

 

 

Suthern Words & Usage 39-51 with Dinosaurs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Purrfeck:  without defect or omission
To err is human. Nobody's purrfeck. 

Pigeon: act of tossing something
Betty Sue and aye wuz out back pigeon horseshoes.

Ratjeer:  specific place
I tode mah dawg to sit ratjeer. 

Saar: not sweet
Them peaches need to ripin' cuz thar really saar. 

S'matter: question
Wud s'matter widju? Yew ain't actin' rahyt. . 

Stale: tough metal
During 2020, we need nerves of stale just to be neurotic. 

Sumya'll: an adjective, adverb, pronoun, & contraction all rolled up into one word
Sumya'll have no idey what this post is about. 

Tapratter: antique writing machine
Mah tapratter needs a new ribbon.

Tarred: exhausted
Ah'm so tarred aye could sleep all daye.

Thank: have a particular opinion or belief
Aye thank it's gonna rahyne. 

Thangamajig: name for a gadget you can't remember the name of
Wud yew go git that thangamajig out of mah pickup truck?

Towed: past tense of tell
Aye towed him not to do dat. 

 

So how did that Brachiosaurus get all the way from Riggs Hill in Grand Junction, Colorado to the United Airlines Terminal 1, Concourse B in Chicago's O'Hare Airport?

In its heyday one-hundred-fifty million years ago the forty foot high, seventy-five foot long, giraffe-necked creature roamed around in my neighborhood. 

The Brachiosaurus was unearthed in 1900, and at the time was the largest dinosaur skeleton ever found. A fiberglass replica was cast in the early 1990s. Slight modifications had to be made to the dinosaur's posture so it would fit in the terminal 

Photo Above:  Two skeletons of a Spinosarus and a Stegosauarus have been located on the hill in our backyard. We're hoping they don't jump on a United flight to join their buddy in Chicago. 

 

Suthern Words & Usage 26-38 with a Long-Stemmed Rose

Once you read through this list of words, you will probably be sounding like you are from Southeastern Okrahoma. 
You may need to practice just a little, but the drawl will come to you at some point. 

  Hevee:  overweight
 When yew get too hevee, best thang to do is go on a dahyut.

Idnit:  question
Idnit about tahme for us to go home?

Jeet: question
Jeet yet?
No. Ju?
No. Lesus go get a bayt to ate. 

Lags: opposite of arms
Mayuh lags are tard from walkin.'

Lilac: not telling the truth
Man, yew lilac a politician. 

Manure: not old
Aym gonna drive manure pickup truck today. 

Mare:  chief Municipal officer
Ah'd lak yew to meet Hizzoner, the Mare.

Neckle:  1/20 of a dollar
Two neckles make a dahym. 

Ouchair: not inside
Better put on yore coat. It's daggum cold outchair. 

Paig: provider of bacon
He's happier that a paig in mud. 

Paypul: more than one person
We the paypul of the United States of 'Merica

Prayed: official procession
Aye hope it don' t rahyn on our prayed. 

 

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."                     ---Shakekspeare

One translation: What matters is what something is, not what it is called.

 

"A rose is a rose is a rose."           ----Gertrude Stein

A statement of the law of identity . . . things are what they are. 

 

"We can complain because roses have thorns or rejoice because thorns have roses"     ----Alphonse Karr

 

Dictionary of Suthern' Words and Usage 13-25 with a Hidden Object

Continuing my effort to edgeucate readers with these vocabulary words and thayre usage. ..
And an exercise in finding the hidden object in this photo. 

 

Favor:  thermometer reading
I don't feel too good. I got a favor. Mah temperatoor is 101.

Fayer: with justice and honesty
All's fayer in luv and wahr. 

Farr: combustion producing heat and flame
It wuz cold so we built a farr in the farrplace. 

 

Fanger: any of the five jointed parts of the hand
If yore hitchin' a ride, the bes' fanger to use is yore thumb. 

Flarz:  blossoms
Remember to bring flarz on yore anniverseeary.
The waff you save may be yore own. 

Fillings:  emotions
Yew hurt mah fillins'. 

Fems:  movies
Ahh  unnerstand yew goin' to Hollywood to go into fems. 

Givitcheer:  hand it over
Let me have all yore money . . . givitcheer.

Goffer:  person who plays golf
Arnul Pommer was a goffer who thought he was in a slump when he only shot pahr.

Griyuts:  coarsely ground corn or wheat
Most Sutherners like to eat griyuts. 

Grain:  a color
Cuzin' Bobby Joe drank so much moonshine, he tarned grain. 

Hominy:  an aid to arithmetic, sorta like ciphering
By adding two and two, yew find out hominy yew got. 

 

Answer to Hidden Picture:  Snayke:  (Pronounced with two syllables)  reptile.
My mom would have said, "She's so lazy, she wouldn't hit a lick at a snayke if it was going to bayht her. 

After this lesson, you should be speaking with some sort of a Suthern' Drawl. 

 

 

 

 

Good Night, Friend

Yesterday was International Dog Day. I thought about all the dogs that have been a part of my life :  Tippy, a mutt, my first dog when I was about four, White Shadow, a  Samoyed, when I was about nine, Mitzi, a black chihuahua, when I was about 12-20, (she lived with my mom and dad when I went to college), Snoopy, a white Pekingese, with me during college, Tarzan and Jane, Airedales, during my early 20's, another Tippy, a Sheltie Collie, late 20's,Boone (Pickens), a black Cocker Spaniel, Chamois, a Shih tzu, another Tippy, a Sheltie Collie.  After marrying Hans:  Max a half pit bull -half Boxer . . . All the rest have been Boxers: Junior June Bug, Bubba Boo Boo, June Bug, Ginger (Sissy Boo), Lola Cherry Cola . . . all who have gone on to the Rainbow Bridge.

Now, there's Stella and PeekaBoo

The following post was published on January 14, 2007. Creating it was my way of dealing with my grief.

*********

Junior, one of our Boxers, was diagnosed with lymphoma two months ago and has been undergoing chemo treatments here and also at Colorado State University. He has been a valiant warrior, never once whining or complaining. Hans and I vowed that when his quality of life became compromised, we would make that decision to have the vet come to the house and let him sleep. We hoped that Junior would just go to sleep on his own so that we would not have to make that call, but that was not to be. For the last two days, Junior has stayed in the house and would only venture outside at our urgings. This morning was different. He headed out the doggie doors on his own which gave our hearts a bit of a leap, thinking his lethargy and lack of appetite was due to the chemo, not the cancer. We never gave up hope. We both grabbed coats and gloves to follow him. Immediately, we realized what Junior was doing. He was making his last rounds to all his old haunts for a final good-bye. Bubba, his brother, and June Bug, his daughter, made every step with him. (Bug came to live with us from her home in WY. Our daughter has a 6 week-old daughter, 2 year-old son, and husband in Iraq. Bug was too much to handle.) I grabbed my camera for some last shots of Junior to post them today, along with a few from last evening. I guess this is my way of mourning the loss of a best friend. In a sense, a way to honor him. Yes, I know there are children in our World starving, being abused at this very minute, and dying of catastrophic diseases. I do try to keep my priorities straight. I am thankful that all our children are contributing citizens to society and that our grandchildren are healthy. But, today I grieve in my own way. I would imagine that Junior's first stop was at Sesame Street to pick up several Elmo's for his friends: Max, Daisy, Tippy, Hershey, Walker, Hi-C, and Roxie.

Last evening, Bubba gave Junior his daily bath. Bubba knew something was wrong from the git-go.

Bubba was very generous with the drool as evidenced by the wetness of Junior's fur and on his collar. Junior did his share of bathing others.

...one last photo together for the best buddies who had so much in common...one commonality, being sprayed by a skunk, on different occasions...Junior and Bubba have never been apart for 8 years, even on overnight stays at the vet's.  Except maybe for a few times they ran away from home and terrorized the neighborhood for a few  hours.  Actually, there was this cute little poodle...

...Junior's and Bubba's favorite spot in the whole world with their favorite two 'people'...theHansMan and Elmo...

Junior loved sitting on people and his brother.  He also loved kids.

His first stop was at the tree that houses many gambel quail...Junior was told only once not to chase them...June Bug is still learning...

Junior continues his memory walk...

The rabbits congregated around these trees. Just one last check to see if Roger or Peter are there for their morning chat.  One rabbit chatted a little too long on this day.

 

One of Junior's favorite past-times was chasing lizards out of this ivy. Many of them did survive but usually without their tails.

Junior paused here for one last dig in the dirt. He always thought there was something "under there," and today was no different.

 

...a time to reflect on sending many an animal scurrying up that hill for fear of being eaten alive..here is where the coyote met his fate early one morning...

...his memory walk continued with Bubba and Bug accompanying him...

...he checked all the briars, and he checked all the brambles, and he checked all the bushes where a rabbit wouldn't go...

...a stop at the rocks, another favorite lizard hang-out...

He finally ran out of energy and sat down to survey all the terrority that was his. He knew it was his. He had marked every square inch of it.

...the true definition of Unconditional Love...

...saying good-bye...his journey had ended...

**Elmo Softly Sings**

"Goodnight Friend

The day is at an end

When we can dream - about the things - we love to do

Elmo and you

Good Night Friend

Good Night, Junior..."

JUNIOR   September 21, 1998  -  January 2, 2007

Dictionary of Suthin' Words and Usage 1-12 with a Helpin' of Okra

 

 

 

Aint:   A sister of one of your parents
Pore Aint EstherBelle. She's an old mayud. She's been kissed goodbye mower tayums than she's been kissed goodnight. 

Ammo:   Song
Ammo 'ole cowhand from the Rio Grande. 

Asphalt:  Passing the Buck
If yore donkey is stubborn, no need to blame yoreself. It's yore asphalt.

Asthma: Possessive Pronoun
Asthma wife yore cozyin' up to. 

Bidness:  Enterprise
He sayd he was on a bidness trip. His wife wasn't convinced it wuz bidness. 

Bobwhar: Fencing material
Climbing over bobwhar is tough on yore britches. 

Bubb:  Oval shaped light provider
How many men does it take to change a layt bubb?

Claire: Good visibility
On a claire day yew can see furever. 

Camphor: A place to toast marshmallows
Best thang about them hikes wuz sittin' around the camphor swappin' stories. 

Cinnamon:  Observe
Shore ah know who Tom Hanks is.  I cinnamon on TV. 

Cayut:  Domesticated feline
Our cayut brought in a dead mouse last nayht. 

Farm:  Application
If yew want this job, yew'll havto fill out this farm. 

This is the first dozen  . . . 

Plays feel free to add yore own. 

Okra can be cooked any number of ways . . . roasted, fried, baked, sauteed, stewed, grilled, put in soups, gumbo, salads, . . . it can be pickled and curried.

I love okra anyway you cook it . . . or NOT: 

My favorite way to eat okra is raw with salt and pepper. 

 

 

 

 

 

. . . And Now the Rest of the Story

 

There have been several inquiries as to how I broke my knee (Fibular Head) and probably damaged the Meniscus, to what extent will be determined at a later date. 

Some stories begin with, "Once Upon a Time . . . 

This story begins with, "You Ain't Gonna Believe This $h!+ . . .

. . . it all started by winning a Gift Certificate for a Tandem Hang Gliding Session. 

The moment we were airborne, my experienced, professional partner let me know we were in trouble. The right wing kept wanting to drop, so he had to steer about 50% to the opposite side just to keep the glider going straight. I'm hearing all this through my headset as I wouldn't have had the foggiest idea about what was going on. I mean the scenery up there was breathtaking. 

We quickly hooked a thermal, released, and climbed up to an altitude of about 10,000 feet by making left turns only.  He promised me that safety was in altitude. Not my idea of being safe, I mean, shouldn't t we be trying to get down from here? My idea of safety was being on the ground, and we didn't seem to be headed in that direction. At least not just yet. 

Okay. Whatever you say. Once up that high, we proceeded to do a number of maneuvers to keep flying. We could turn left with a decent amount of control and no issues. We could also fly straight if he applied a generous amount of left input. Keep in mind, I have no idea what's going on except what he's telling me. 

Right turns stalled the glider every time, so he picked a field that would give us ample room from a left-hand approach and we slowly started boating down. 

As we turned onto a final approach, he assured me we were home free. But, as soon as we entered the ground effect, the right wing stalled and we bit the dust. Hard. 

Now you know . . .

. . . the rest of the story.

AND, it you believe that . . .  I have some ocean front property here at the house that I will sell you.

The next story begins like this . . . 

It was the Perfect Storm:

Steep hill

Wet grass 

Slick Chucks on my feet. (Yes. I had shoes on this particular day.)

PeekaBook on a leash on my left (PeekaBoo weighs 43 pounds.)

Stella on a leash on my right (Stella weighs 70 pounds,)

Dog running loose at the bottom of this steep hill. . . . way down there.

Have I mentioned it was a very steep hill?

Stella bolted to where the other dog was, and I hung on for dear life.

 A.L..L.   T.H.E.   W.A.Y   D.O.W.N.  T.H.E.   H.I.L.L. 

The very steep hill. 

(No I didn't let go of the leash for all of you who have been kind enough with that suggestion or asked why I didn't. Yes. I have water skied. Yes I know to let go of the rope once the fall begins so the boat doesn't drag me across the lake and I drown. But, I wasn't water skiing.)

When the slack went out of the leash, I went airborne. We were probably flying down that hill, that very steep hill, at about 30 miles per hour. 

 I hurtled forward, tried to dig in my slippery Chucks, and hit the ground with a thud. My right leg extended out in front of me. My left leg did some kind of loopty-loo bend behind me not normal to the human body. The minute I hit, I heard two loud pops. The pain shot up through my armpits, ricocheted off my ears, and out the top of my pointy little head. 

PeekaBoo did a great job of keeping up and was probably thinking, "Wow, I've never seen her move so fast."

Once we came to a grinding halt at the bottom of that steep hill and the world stopped spinning, I knew I was hurt. 

The hill I was on (the steep one) was actually a pond dam and Hans was just over the way with his employees fishing. That's where I was headed when all this happened.

I yelled. He sauntered over not knowing what had just happened.

The first thing he said, "Why is your nose bleeding, and why are you on the ground?"

Yup. I hit so hard it caused my nose to bleed. My nose was the least of my worries. 

He took the dogs. I hobbled back to our room not knowing I was walking with a broken knee.

We made it back to Grand Junction to Docs on Call and the rest is history.

And now you know . . . 

. . . the rest of the story. It’s your choice as to which one you choose to believe  

 

Photo: Smoky Sunset over the Colorado National Monument.
Sunday, August 23, 2020
Smoke is from the Pine Gulch Fire, the second largest in Colorado history.
Monday evening the fire was mapped at 129, 715 acres and 44% contained. 
It is about 18 miles north of Grand Junction in the Bookcliffs.

 

I Am Smiling !

 

When there is a forest fire close enough to blow dust and ashes into the house, and one is from Okrahoma and shoes don't adorn her feet very often most of the time, this is what happens. 

The other thing that happens is people like to take my picture and tell me to smile which is not a safe thing to do these days. 

Except now I can't catch him. 

The amazing unconditional love of a dog !  

If you "biggen' the picture, you can see Stella is licking the brace. 

Stella is just letting PeekaBoo know to be gentle and not to get too close. 

No matter where I go, they go with me. 

For FIVE days, I wore the brace that did not allow me to bend my leg. That was a pain in the . . .

leg. 

Actually, it was a pain in my back. 

On  Wednesday, I was fitted with this Bionic Woman super-duper fancy endorsed by AAA brace which allows me a slight bend. The world is at my fingertips now. I can run faster and jump higher. Not. But, it is amazing the difference being able to bend just a smidgen makes in my mobility. Plus, I'm able to put a little weight on my leg. Just a little. 

We'll end with this little giggle:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking Things for Granite . . . I Mean Granted

When I leave the house or when I drive home, I always try to look at everything around me as if I'm seeing it for the first time.

The very first time. 

The Colorado National Monument. The Grand Mesa. The Bookcliffs. The Colorado River. The Gunnison River. The blue sky. Everything and anything that would easily be taken for granted because I see it e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.

When I walk the dogs, walk to the garden, walk upstairs, walk downstairs, just walk anywhere. I'm always grateful that I can do that. 

Now that I have a broken knee and am in a full length leg brace, doing all those walking things isn't so easy. 

There is no bending the leg or putting weight on the foot. Yet. 

So, there are the little things that have now become big things that are quite difficult to accomplish. In fact, they are a challenge. 

Just for fun, try these:

1) Go up and down stairs without bending your left leg or putting weight on it. Yup. That means on your behind unless you can hop up and down them on one leg.  FOURTEEN of them to be exact. But who’s counting how many steps there are? I am. That’s who!

2) Get into and out of a shower or bath tub without bending that leg or putting weight on it. 

3) Put on and pull off pants. You guessed it. Don't bend that leg or put weight on it. Can you reach that left foot to pull those pants on over it? 

4) Sit flat on the floor, get up. With one leg. Why would I  be sitting flat on the floor? Because when I get to the top of the stairs, I'm sitting flat on the floor. 

The upside is that my core, upper body, arms, and right leg are going to be very strong after six weeks of this. My left leg, not so much.  I might possibly be considered a contortionist by the way I pick things up that have fallen on the floor. 

Surveys show that most people take for granted something regarding their health, environment, or a special person in their lives. These are huge foundations in our lives and obviously things we do not appreciate until they are 'broken' or 'gone.' It seems to be an innate quality of being human by taking these things for granted. 

"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."   ----Aldous Huxley

What is the moral of this story?

Live in the Moment: Take the time to really notice what is going on this very second. When you do that, it will distance you from dwelling in the past and/or worrying about the future.

Look around you. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? Is there a coffee cup within reach? How does the coffee taste? What are your hands touching? Is there someone else in the room with you? Is the TV on? Look out the window. Is the sun shining? Is it raining? Can you see the moon? Are there flowers with bees buzzing around them. Are there birds? Is there music playing? How do you feel inside? Is your heart happy or sad? Why is it happy? Why is it sad? 

Your mind and senses are free to fully explore, recognize, and appreciate the big and little things that surround you right this very minute. Explore and appreciate what your life is at this very moment. Our lives have all been upended in some way because of COVID. There is something around you right now to be grateful for. What is it? 

Are you taking something for granted? Is it your health? Your environment? Someone in your life? 

Is it the fact you can walk up and down a flight of stairs instead of going up them on your derriere?

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude."
                                                                                                        ---A.A. Milne

 

 

Shift Happens

 

The exact words of the ER doctor, "Well you broke it real good."

As indicated by the arrow, this break is the reason for today's title. Lots of shift is happening around here. 

Yes, that is my bone in my left knee. 

How does one break one's Fibular Head?  Actually, it was very easy.

I'll let you make up your own story, and we'll see how close you come to what actually happened. 

Maybe there will be prizes. Who knows? 

Ready. Go.