After F.O.U.R. days of leftover turkey, dressing, and gravy, I have waddled over to my cornpooter to post something for Mon Funday. Hosting today is a slob with an alphabetized CD collection who resides somewhere BEYOND a SLAB. Our assignment today is this:
Tell us about your all-time worst Neighbors from Hell. You know, the family of Irish clog dancers who once lived in the flat/apartment above you? Mrs. Nextdoor and her banshee-like multiple orgasms? Mr. and Mrs. Hard-of-Hearing with their television on full blast? The guys across the street who set off 4th of July fireworks starting in March and didn't stop until the first real snowfall?
Fun with Dick and Jane...and Their Neighbors, Betty and Bob
Characters: Dick AnodeMan, Jane Swampwitch, Betty & Bob their neighbors, assorted variety of cops
Setting: The Hood
Revised from: Fun with Dick and Jane
and with apologies to: Scott, Foresman and Company
Basic Readers: Curriculum Foundation Series
"THE NEW FAMILY"
"Oh Dick AnodeMan," said Jane Swampwitch. "No one lives in the new house. Who will come to live in it?"
AnodeMan said, "It is a nice house. Maybe a nice family with live in it."
NOT
"Yes, said Swampwitch. A nice, nice family. Maybe the family will love life and enjoy parties."
NOT
"Oh, yes," said AnodeMan. We host lots of parties for a nice family to attend."
"Why are the cops coming to our party?" asked Swampwitch. "We didn't invite them."
"Why are you at our party?" AnodeMan asked the cops.
The cops said, "Because s.o.m.e.o.n.e. called to complain about the loud music."
"But s.o.m.e.o.n.e. knows that the music stops at midnight. They were invited last year," explained AnodeMan.
"Well, maybe you should have invited them THIS year," replied the cop.
"We would have invited them THIS year, but s.o.m.e.o.n.e called the fire department on us last month when we built a campfire to have a weiner roast, in an approved contained firepit. Not to mention that we have a burn permit," explained Swampwitch.
"Well, we can't tell you exactly who called us but we have to respond even though we know you have this party E.V.E.R.Y. year to honor those who have served their country in Afghanistan and Iraq and raise money for scholarships for their children to go to college," interjected one of the THREE cops who responded.
"Oh, you don't have to tell us who called. We know who called," smiled AnodeMan.
See these fences. They were built AFTER the cops and fire department were called for the fourth time. They fence in OUR property that leads to OUR house. The survey crew came in and marked off the property lines showing that Betty and Bob had landscaped and planted trees on OUR property. Only after hammering in the iron post sprayed with glow-in-the-dark pink psychedelic paint, covering it with black landscape paper, and covering that with landscape rock.
See that house. That is Betty and Bob's house. See that fence. That is OUR fence that was built AFTER Betty and Bob decided they didn't want to be nice neighbors. See those trees on the OTHER side of the fence. They used to be on THIS side of the fence before AnodeMan had the property surveyed only to find that Betty and Bob had moved about F.I.F.T.E.E.N. feet onto our property. Betty and Bob dug up and replanted their trees that were growing on AnodeMan's and Swampwitch's property.
See this cannon.
Swampwitch knows how to fire this cannon.
The cannon balls will reach to here...
See Betty and Bob.
See Betty and Bob run.
