UPDATE ! Message from the Emergency Swampcast System:
As I have mentioned before, the comments for my posts are always better/funnier than the post itself. This is certainly the case today. Most lurkers readers never click on that little word below with the number beside it (comments #), to see what others have written. Today is the day to do that. I think that people may even be throwing things at each other. I just love a good exchange between readers. And if you commented yesterday, you just might want to go see what's going on.
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When we left off with Wordless Wednesday yesterday, this was the scene:
...and this was the Recipe for Disaster:
Ingredients:
1 HansMan - (I will rent him out...cheap)
1 Pickup Truck - (parked on incline preferably with dent in hood)
1 Ladder - (a wobbly one)
1 Cottonwood Tree - (a tall one)
1 Bunch of Web Worms (in highest branch of cottonwood tree)
1 Long Pole - (a telescoping one)
1 Roll of Duck Duct Tape (WD-40 not required this time yet)
2 Boxers - Optional (any breed of dog will do)
1 Wife with Camera (wife must possess great sense of humor & patience)
1 Cell Phone (What is the number for 911?)
For those not familiar with Web Worms, these are them. (clink the link) Actually, there are NO living web worms in that photo above, only what's left of them, their web and poop and whatever has chosen to blow into it. At this point, what you see here poses no harm. But now, back in the spring when this creation was undulating as if it had taken on a life of its own, it was dangerous. Dangerous to the tree. Those worms can take down a tree this size in one morning of brunching and munching.
FYI: See those little dots sprinkled throughout the web? Those are dead web worms. Hundreds of the little bass turds. See all those leaves caught in the web? Those are all dead leaves that the little bass turds captured and killed.
Enter stage left right up: theHansMan armed with duct tape. Is it duct tape or duck tape? I never know. Something else I never know is why the heck I take the time to create these links 'cuz no one ever clinks the link. I think maybe it's just because I know how and remember the first time I successfully created a link. You would have thought I'd found a cure for cancer.
Just in case you couldn't see real well what theHansMan is doing, here is a close-up. Please notice that he is putting the duct tape on the telescoping pole wrong-side-out. That's a very important detail in the removal of Web Worms from the top of a cottonwood tree.
Something else that's imperative in the removal of Bew Worms (excuse me while my lysdexia kicks in), is to have one's shorts positioned correctly in one's butt crack, better known as a wedgie, to which I shall refer to later. Oh yeah, you get to see it again.
Now comes the critical part of the process. Get the sticky portion of the duct tape stuck to any part of the Bew Worm (sorry) Web Worm web and twist and twist and twist.
Eureka ! As you can see, theHansMan is a pro at retrieving Web Worm webs (say that five times really fast) from very tall cottonwood trees with duct tape, standing on a wobbly ladder, in the back of a pickup truck with a dent in its hood, parked on an incline, with two dogs watching, and a wife armed with a camera close-at-hand...and a partridge in a pear tree.
The next step is to have the Web Worm web inspected by June Bug to make sure nothing is moving in there. Rest assured, if anything just wiggles, she will pounce it to death.
It seems as though theHansMan is not satisfied that E.V.E.R.Y. piece of the Web Worm web has been removed. So, once again, the duct tape must be wrapped wrong-side-out and the process begins again.
That means another wedgie must be in place. Note that this is not the SAME wedgie as pictured above. It is a new and repositioned one.
theHansMan seems to think that it is necessary to stand on the very top rung of the ladder in order to hear me emit gasps of expletives from down below. It does concern me that the ladder seems to wobble to and fro, but not enough for me to put down my camera and hold it steady for him.
Does anyone know the number for 911 ? Yep, you guessed it. He almost busted it and I was ready for the big crash because I set my camera on "sports" so that I wouldn't miss o.n.e.s.i.n.g.l.e.b.o.u.n.c.e.
It is at this point that I digress. If you'll look at what's left of the Web Worm web, you'll notice that it's not much bigger than a leaf. A leaf ! One stinkin' leaf ! Not to mention, there are no, none, not any living Web Worms up there to harm our cottonwood tree. They died a long time ago. So, why does this itty bitty piece bother him so much ? And why must he continue to balance himself on that ladder trying to reach that itty bitty piece of Web Worm web?
People. We are talking about a man who will jump over step over walk around walk THROUGH a pile of laundry without the bat of an eye. Here is a man whose closet looks like this:
OK. Well. That's the closet, but those are the clothes that are supposed to be IN the closet. And they've been there for quite some time.
And a man whose desk/desk area looks like this:
And this is just AFTER he CLEANED it.
So, what's my point? I've forgotten. Oh, yeah. I'm just thankful that this was Plan B. Wanna know what Plan A was?
Two words: Flaming Arrows !
Yes, he was going to shoot flaming arrows (yes, we have arrows) into the cottonwood tree with a bow (yes, we have a bow) and burn down the Web Worm web (yes we have matches and fuel).
Do you have any idea how dry it gets in the High Desert of Colorado? And how hard the wind blows here? Those two questions should be enough to clue you in on what disastrous results Plan A could have resulted in. This story came to mind:
Honey, I Torched the Cobwebs House
To save you time so you don't have to clink the link above and read the story...it's about a man who almost burned down his house because he used a blow torch to remove the cobwebs from under his eaves. I kid you NOT !
Just so you know, he did descend safefully safely from the ladder all in one piece...
...and tried to stick what's left of the Web Worm web on me.
That's when he got hurt.
