Anecdotes, Antidotes, and Anodes

Doctor or Spa ?

It all started when I tried to do a leap-frog-type-maneuver over June Bug so as not to fall on top of her.

She came out unscathed, maybe a bit startled, but my acrobatics saved her.

As for me, I came out with a broken toe and sprained wrist.

At the time, I didn't realize the condition of my toe.  Only knew that it cracked like when you crack your knuckles.  Evidently, it cracked like when you break something.

During the night, my  heart must have moved from my chest into my toe because it seemed to be beating there.  Visualize those cartoons of a throbbing thumb.  That would be my toe.

It  is my understanding that's there's not much that can be done for a broken toe.  The doctor can't cast it.

So, by the looks of these toenails, it would probably be time better spend at the spa having a pedicure.

Where would you go ?  Doctor ?  Spa ?

 

I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes . . .

Jim Stafford wrote the words to that song and it came to mind the other day when my hand found its way into a spider web.

There are a lot of things that scare the beejeebus out of me.

Snakes would be at the top of the list.

Spiders rank right up there with snakes.

There's nothing worse than getting some extremity caught up in a spider web.

Unless it's a Black Widow Spider's web.

There is no mistaking when one's hand makes contact with a Black Widow web.

It is quite alarming. 

The web was in this collection of theHansMan's walking sticks and one didgeridoo that the incident occured.

I noticed they looked a bit dusty, and upon closer examination, I also noticed a spider web.

Now, in this house,  spider webs/and/or cobb webs are a common occurence.

theHansMan and I have this running argument about some of the things stringing down from the ceiling and looping across from the balcony to the light fixture to the buffalo and back again. He says they are spider webs spun by invisible little spiders called cobbs.  I just call them dust webs.

My supposition is that it's a bunch of dust particles that have magnetized themselves together and created what I have now deemed 'art.'

His argument is that they are made by cobb spiders, hence the name, cobb web.  I have yet to find a spider in, on, or around any of these things that dangle and swing all over my house.

But, in this case, there was no mistaking this web.  It felt like a tangle of wire and was sticky.

The second my brain registered what my hand was touching, I ended up about five feet from where I had been standing in one single large leap backwards.

Not wanting to even think about moving those walking sticks, I grabbed a can of Agent Orange Black Flag Spider Killer, and soaked everything in that corner.

In the past, the Black Widow will usually drop from where she's been hiding or crawl out of her hidey hole.

Nothing.

No spider.

So I sprayed again and waited.

No spider.

Ah-ha.  That didgeridoo !  It's hollow. 

Half a can of spider spray later . . .

. . . she appeared.

And she is quite alive.

If that doesn't give you the eebie-jeebies, I don't know what will.

Here, she is feigning death.

If you look  closely, you can see part of her web on the black part of the didgeridoo and also that very discernible red hour glass on her body.

Using the other half of the spider spray, I sufficiently killed her.

Don't even think about shaming me for killing her. 

If you do, I will very gladly mail you the next one I find, and you can care for her.

I just could not get the light right so that you can see the red hour glass. . .

. . . no matter how  closely I zoomed in.

 

 Now, if there are any arachnologists out there, please provide information about the difference in spider webs and cobb (cob) webs . . . and if there is something that exists that might be a dust web.

Boxers 1 Birds O

Most of my days begin early in the morning with a cup of something hot and a stroll out to the garden to see what's popped up during the night . . . or to see what's been eaten by the critters during the night.

This is what I encountered on my way to the garden . . .

 

 

"Ginger, do you know anything about this carnage on the driveway ?

"Lola, did you happen to witness what happened ?"

June Bug seems to be saying, "WHAT BIRD?"

There is good news and bad news associated with this post.

The bad news is . . . the bird didn't make  it.

The good news is . . . the dogs did not bring the bird into the house to pluck it, skin it, and devour it.

On three different occasions,  (that we know of) our Boxers have brought their prey inside the house to consume it.

Memory #1:

Early one morning, about 4:00 a.m. early,  Bubba was lying on the floor by the bed.  He was lick lick licking incessantly.  I reached down and tapped him on top of  the head.  He stopped.  For about two seconds.  The lick lick licking ensued.  Once again, I reached down to tap him on the head, but this time my fingers found a cold, sticky, gummy substance.  At 4 o'clock in the morning, the brain just doesn't process information too quickly.  My first thought was I was touching Bubba's nose.  My second thought was, "This isn't Bubba's nose."

As my inquisitive fingers explored this clammy, gooey mass, they then discovered something round and fuzzy.

My brain finally kicked in and alerted me that  I might be touching a dead animal.

Because it was 'can't-see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face' dark, I reached for the lamp switch.

My brain was correct.

Bubba was savoring the bottom half of a bunny rabbit.

Memory #2:

Early one morning, before sunrise, I stumbled downstairs with bare feet. 

Both of my nekkid  feet encountered something cold, stringy, and sticky.  They stopped dead in their tracks.

Because it was dark, and the rug I was standing one was patterned, it was difficult to discern just exactly what I was wading in.

Upon closer examination, theHansMan determined it was the innards of some animal, possibly the viscera of a rabbit.

Being the 'scientist'  'biologist'  curious man that he is,  he found the stomach and cut it open with his handy dandy Swiss Army knife.

And what to our wondering eyes should appear ?

A bird.

Unless we have carnivorous rabbits here in Colorado, it was apparent our Boxers had ridded the neighborhood of some type of cat.

(Just earlier that month, they had ridded the neighborhood of a coyote.) 

Memory #3

theHansMan and I were on our way home from the airport when we received a call from the dogsitter, Cullen. 

He said, "There's good news and there's bad news."

We asked him to give us the good news first.

"Junior and Bubba didn't get sprayed by the skunk they killed."

What's the bad news ?

"They dragged it through the doggy door, through garage, down the hall, into the living room, through the entry, up the stairs, across the balcony,  into the guest bedroom, and it's quietly resting between them on top of the futon."

The house was deep cleaned, fumigated, and new carpet was installed immediately.

Oh the Things You Can See on TeeVee

I'm not one who sits and watches TV.

I'm not one who sits, much.

But for the last 8, count them eight, I said E-I-G-H-T days I've pretty much been flat 'o my back.

Now, there's no need to share all the guts and gore of congestion, green snot, possibly coughing up a lung, topped-up sinuth cavities, earache, sore throat, sneezing, and a migraine. 

Not to mention, my taste buds and smell buds have been kidnapped.

So, I won't share all that.

But, when it hurts to even blink, there aren't many activities that are considered fun.

Enter:  Remote Control

I have learned so much this past week.

There's this gal named Tabitha who cusses like a sailor and goes in to these businesses, mainly hair salons, but sometimes yogurt shops and restaurants, and takes over.  This is because the business is on the verge of going out of business, and Tabitha bursts through the door with a plan. She starts with the owner's behind and kicks it.  Then the kicking spree continues with most all of the employees.   It' great.  I think I've seen every episode of Tabitha.  I think I would like to introduce Tabitha to theHansMan.

On to cupcakes.  This show causes much apprehension for me.  Each week on Cupcake Wars, four of the country’s top cupcake bakers face off in three elimination challenges until only one decorator remains. The sweet prize: $10,000 and the opportunity to showcase their cupcakes at the winning gig.

How in the heck can anyone bake, frost, and display ONE-THOUSAND cupcakes in two hours ?  It takes me two hours to find all the ingredients I need to bake ONE DOZEN cupcakes.  Yes, I find myself almost hyperventilating with every countdown of minutes to seconds.  Hurry...Hurry...I keep thinking. 

But my apprehension isn't what concerns me about this show.  It's the fact that I want to reach through the screen, grab the two judges by the throat, and choke them. 

Candace Nelson, owner of Sprinkles Cupcakes,  and Florian Bellanger, French chef and co-owner of online macaroon company MadMac, serve as permanent judges with a third rotating judge each week, and Justin Willman hosts.  Sometimes, I want to choke Justin, too.  Just for the fun of it.

Here's a blip of an episode . . .The contestants are given a list of ingredients that have to be included in the recipe.  For instance, bbq sauce, anchovies, cayenne pepper, molasses, etc.

My thought is, "Are they making cupcakes or Pasta Puttanesca?"

Other ingredients . . . oysters, hot sauce, basil, are you kidding me ?

The contestants have to then concoct three different kinds of cupcakes complete with frosting using a combination of the 'suggested' ingredients.

Once the cupcakes are placed in front of the judges, who by the way, are sitting there steely-face, looking at the contestants as if they are criminals,  taste-test them.

Candace critiques each cupcake and then says, "Your ingredients are a little confusing."

Ya Think ?   How in the world could they not be ?  Look at the ingredients you gave them to incorporate into the batter.

Now it's Florian's turn.  Remember, he's French.

Well, zee cayenne pepper wazforzeemostpart
a leetle beet overwhelming and I'm notzure
that you conseedered zeebarbeeque zaus
vould affectzeeconzeestencee of zeebatter.

WHAT ?  What did you just say ?  The least this show could do is provide sub-titles when he speaks.

By the end of the show, I'm craving cupcakes and wanting to beat someone up.  Since I'm not in any shape to do either, what do I do ?

Eat a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints. Yes, I said sleeve. All of them. 

But, there are more shows that need to be watched.

Have you ever heard of Storage Wars ?

And what's the deal with all these Housewives of Orange County, Atlanta, New Jersey ?  Who are these women ?  Are they for real ?  How do you spell bitchslap ? 

That's enough blogging for now.

So, please excuse me while I go International House Hunting in Melbourne, Australia. 

Stay tuned for Rattlesnake Republic and Hillbilly Handfishin' . . . oh yeah, the things you can see on teevee.

 

A Grand Junction Moon

 Here's what the moon looked like one evening and the next morning last week.

Evening Moon over Mt. Garfield

Morning Moon over The Monument

 

Bird Dogs

. . .

Caption:  Somebody go get the ladder.

My dogs have been known to eat birds.

The dogs catch the bird outside, bring it inside, and devour it on a favorite rug somewhere.

On occasion, the bird decides to come inside.

Silly bird.

Yup.  You're on the inside looking out. 

Now what ?

The snowshoes appear to be a bit too large for your tiny feet.

This story has a happy ending. 

Using a telescoping pole that's supposed to be used to clean windows, the bird was coaxed outside.

All three dogs did make an attempt to 'help.'

 

Mystical Moon

Stumbling around outside in the dark with my tripod and barefoot . . .

Pops and Gammy's House is a Zoo

Dear Parker,

The animals are still here. 

They all need names. 

Please look at these pictures and decide what we should name the animals.

What do you want to name our fox ?

You have already named the Mountain Lion.

Do you remember what you named it ?

This is a jaguar from Mexico.

What should we name it ?

Our bear is all dressed up for High Tea.

What would you like to call her ?

The buffalo already has a name.

Do you remember what it is ?

I'll give you a hint.

It starts with the letter "G."

This 'animal' is called a Jack-a-Lope.

What do you think we should name it ?

Do you think Jack-a-Lopes are real ?

We have two deer.

This is one of them.

Do you have a name for it ?

This is the second deer.

What should its name be ?

This animal is called an antelope.

Pops calls it a cantaloupe.

What do you want to call it ?

Here is the coyote.

What should its name be ?

We have two bobcats. 

This is one of them.

What do you want to name it ?

This is the other bobcat.

What should we name this one ?

Do you remember her name ?

Her name is the same as a spice. 

Can you remember ?

Can you see the difference between her eyes and the other two dogs ?

What is her name ?

Here are all three dogs taking their naps.

This is the last animal.

What is his name ?

****

The only animals that are real are the three dogs.

The other animals are just like Elmo.  They are stuffed and never move.

Pops and I hope you are not afraid of the animals this time.

We love you and are so excited to see you, Wyatt,  and your mom and dad.

Love,

Pops and Gammy

Oh, I almost forgot . . .the ground squirrels choreographed this dance for you.

From Sunrise to Hummingbird Dinner . . .

Walked around with my camera the other day . . . snapped a few photos like the ones below:

Just Before the Sun Peeked Through

Monsoon Season over the Monument

Ginger Loves to Sleep In

So Does Lola Cherry Cola

So Does June Bug

My Stargazer Lily . . .

Up Close . . .

. . . and Personal

 

Old Glory in the Sunlight

 

Chipmunks or Ground Squirrels ????  (Look at the stripes and tails.)

Quenching His Thirst

His Idea of Cleaning the Garage

Hoarder or Collector ?
(The title of an upcoming post, complete with pictures !)

Trumpet Vine Nectar

Mt.  Garfield and The Rainbow and The Bird

One Last Sip before Bedtime

 

Let It Snow. Let it Snow. Let it Snow.

Stop it !

It's May. 

Well, it was really April 30, but close enough to May.

My plants are shi-shi-shi-shi-vering.

At least they are protected by this Scare Snow Crow.

She is dressed in her best attire complete with a pink chapeau.

Her name is Lady Katherine (Kathy) Snowflake (Flakey) of Confusion.