Anecdotes, Antidotes, and Anodes

iPhone Photographs

It would be an understatement to say that AnodeMan is in love with his iPhone. He was standing in line the first day they went on the sale. He submitted his order early for the 2G, and because he's now such a valued customer, I think Apple just mailed him the 3G.

Surprisingly enough, he learned to use it ! This is contrary to any piece of electronics he has ever encountered.  I mean, he doesn't even know how to use the TV remote.  Well, that's not exactly true, but just punching buttons until something happens is not my idea of knowing how to use the thing.  Some of you may remember a couple of posts a year or so ago about his relationship with the lady in his GPS.  That hasn't changed much. He is still arguing with her. Because he just recently started e-mailing as a way to communicate, it was quite a shock to start receiving test messages, e-mails, and videos from him. Not to mention that he downloaded 1,000's of songs which subsequently crashed not only his iPhone, but also his MAC. 

That leads to this conversation:

From his iPhone, he calls...

Him:  Are you going to be running errands today?

Me: Why ?

Him: I need you to run an errand for me.

Me: Where ?

Him: Just to City Market.

Me: For what ?

Him: To pick up some pictures I had developed.

Me: OK.

 

In case you're thinking that I just rearranged those pictures to look like there were two full boxes, I didn't.

Conversation continues once I used a fork lift to get these into the house:

Him: That's not all of the pictures.

Me: What the heck do you mean THAT'S NOT ALL ?!?

Him: I just realized that the thumb drive I used didn't hold all the pictures that were on my iPhone.

Me: You took ALL those pictures with your iPhone ?

Him: Uh-huh.

Me:  So how many more pictures are there?

Him: About three months worth.

Me: Where are you going?

Him: To learn more about the 85,000 applications for my iPhone.

Me:  (______________________________) You can fill in the blank.

Miss Communication

Hansman and I travel a lot. Sometimes together. When that does happen, some interesting conversations occur:

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After waiting on him for an hour...

Him:  Driving back from Squaw Valley I saw all these vehicles covered in white "ash."

Me: Ash from the California fires?

Him: Well, I thought that at first but realized it was from some back roads they had been on.

Me: What back roads?

Him: The ones to Man Burning.

Me: What?

Him: It's supposed to be some kind of arts festival, but it's sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll.

Me: How long did you stay?

Him:  I couldn't find it.

Me thinking to myself: So that's why he's late !

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In a hotel room...

Me: Why are you limping?

Him: I have a needle stuck in my sock.

Me: How did it get there?

Him: I was sewing up a hole.

Me: Did you consider taking off your sock first?

Silence

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Somewhere in Montreal...

Him:  Do you want to go to The Sushi Buffet?

Me: Do you remember the last time we went to a Sushi Buffet ?

Him: I guess that's a NO.

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Second day at a tennis tournament...

Him: Do you have the progression chart ?

Me: The what ?

Him: The progression chart. You know that chart that lists all the matches.

Me: You  mean the draw ?

Him: Yeah. The progression chart.

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Him:  Are you asleep ?

Me:  I was.

**************************************************************

Me: Are you asleep ?

Him: 

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In an airport. In a hurry.

Me: What is the gate number ?

Him: B

Me: B is a letter. Not a number.

Him: All I know is B.

Me: B is a concourse. There are 150 gates on this concourse.

Him: Oh.

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In the rental car garage. Pulling and pushing and dragging and carrying ALL our luggage.

Him: The guy at the desk said the car would be in stall # 37. There's no car here.

Me: Since when did you start renting from Hertz ?

Him: I didn't.

Me: Well, this is the Hertz section.

Him: Oh.

Me: You rented from "Not Exactly" again. Didn't you?

Him: Uh-Huh.

Me: Well. Our #37 car is probably on a lot somewhere across town.

Him. Uh-Oh.

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To my family members who try to track us by reading the blog: We are home. The house/dog sitter will arrive tomorrow because we are leaving again. If you want to know the details, e-mail or call before noon on Sunday. Otherwise, it may be a week before you see new posts as there may not be Internet access for awhile.

To my blog-buds: Someday I will once again be on your doorstep with my prolific comments. I know you miss them !

Menopausal Jewelry

For several years SIXTEEN YEARS, I have struggled with hot flashes power surges. All the guys probably just now stopped reading and evacuated the premises. Wimps ! For the not-so-faint-of-heart, just keep reading.

Because I cannot take any hormones due the type of cancer I had, I get to enjoy these wonderful earth-shattering, mind-boggling, sensations of fireballs that explode from the core of my body and end up affecting the jet stream. Yes, I do control the weather patterns.  El Nino and La Nina have nothing on me.

No one knows what I'm talking about except those who have experienced this: a sudden jolt that awakens one from a deep sleep, about two minutes of wondering what the he++ has happened, the lightning bolt attack, the sweat, and then the cold snap. (No less than 100 women are shaking their heads in agreement. Right ladies? You know exactly what I'm talking about.)

With this comes mood swings and the topic of today's post:
Menopausal Jewelry

theHansMan (aka: AnodeMan) is unhappy with my mood swings. Well, guess what Sherlock? So am I.

He bought me a mood ring the other day so that he might be able to monitor my moods and know when to make himself as scarce as hen's teeth.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, the ring turns a lovely blue.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big honkin' red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond ring. That should do something for my mood.

Now What Is He Doing?

For fun, give the photo a title.

In the meantime, I'll try to think of an appropriate prize for the funniest "entry." I think I still have the glow-in-the dark commode lid.

What Is This Man Doing...Answer

Any Questions?

What Is This Man Doing?

Any guesses as to what theHansMan is doing and why?

A Holiday Wish from the Swamp Drainer

"Life is mostly froth and bubble.

Two things stand like stone.

Kindness in another's trouble.

Courage in your own."    ---Adam L.Gordon

May 2007 be filled with Bubbles of Delight and Happiness and all your worries and sadness swirl down the drain. 

Merry Christmas from the SwampDrainer !

Talkin' Trash

Talkin' Trash is the first in a series of three posts that deal with trash or re-cycling. What kind of subject is that, you ask?  The answer will become clearer as you read, maybe.

After being away from home for a week, leaving the house for a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. was not at the top of my list. (I am a list-maker:  SEE HERE and HERE and HERE )  Besides, it's cold outside. I love staying in the house, living in fleece, not having to put on my war-paint every morning.

Him and Me Talkin' Trash:

"Do you know what today is?"

"Yes."

"What day is it?"

"It was Tuesday. All day long."

"Know what happens on Tuesday?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"The trash truck runs."

"Why is the trash still in the garage?"

"Because I didn't take it out."

"Why?"

"Because it's 1/8 of a mile to the street, the driveway is a solid sheet of ice, and it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra out there."

"The trash stinks."

"Put it outside. It will freeze. It won't stink anymore. Besides, the trash truck will be back next Tuesday. I promise. It has been driving by this house every Tuesday for 12 years. Trust me."

Know what he did?

TheHansMan mooned me !

See:

Ha ! You looked!  I can't believe it !

And now, for the Rest of the Story:  S.P.E.A.R. Challenge 2007

Swampy's and Pensieve's Excellent Adventure in Recycling

Join us in a Re-cycle Challenge. If you don't re-cyle, now is the time to begin. If you do re-cycle, please give us advice on how to get started. ( And, of course, sarcastic remarks will not only be accepted, they are expected, and will be graded.)

Robin at Pensieve is Here .

So, I guess you might say we are two of the "Internet's Trashiest Bloggers", organized, but trashy.

Answer to What Happened to This Man's Pickup Truck

What Happened to This Man’s Chevrolet Pickup Truck?

Scroll down the page to see the pictures of This Man's Truck.

Short story . . .
made . . .
long . . .

He purchases a Garmin Street Finder.
It is his third GPS gadget.
He lost the other two.
I wonder if there is a gadget that would help him locate the other two? I hope not.

This is the first one he has learned to use.

There are several options on this piece of equipment:
Language: English, Spanish, German, etc.
Accent: Standard English, British, Italian, etc.
Type of directions: Map display, Written directions, etc.
Voice: Male, Female, etc. :)

There is a warning, and I quote, “Do not attempt to enter route information or adjust this device while driving. Failure to pay full attention to the operations of your vehicle could result in death, serious injury, or property damage. (Possibly a Chevrolet Pickup Truck?) You assume full responsibility.

After several weeks of practicing with his new toy, (did I mention it’s his third one?), we take a business trip to Scottsdale.

Garmin has been programmed for English-speaking female. They (whoever they are) say men will respond better to a female voice when given directions. That’s why in a fighter-jet the cockpit commands are given by a female, named Bitchin’ Betty.
Would someone please tell my husband he is supposed to respond to my female voice?

“Why don’t you program the address in b.e.f.o.r.e. you start driving?”
“I can do this. You always say I need to multi-task.”
“Not while you’re driving. Let me program the information in.”
Lost Satellite Reception
“You don’t know where we’re going.”
Recalculating
“Obviously, she doesn’t either.”
“Well, she will when I get A-R-I-Z-O-N-A programmed in.”
Continue 1 mile, then turn left and you will reach your destination.
“Wow, I didn’t know Arizona was so close. Did they move it?”
“No, she’s telling me how to get to my office.”
“How many years have you been driving to the same office . . . 20?”
Continue 300 feet, then turn left.
“I can’t remember the name of the company I’m supposed to meet with.”
She’s giving you directions to your office. Just stop there and call for directions.”
“You have to be kidding. Ask for directions??? I have HER to help me.”
Lost Satellite Reception
“Either slow down or stop driving on the shoulder.” “Stop!” The light is red.”
He continues to program in the information. S-C-O-T-T-S-D-A
“The pole isn’t going to turn green.”
Honking from behind us gets louder.
Recalculating
“Finally, I have Arizona and Scottsdale programmed in.”
“Great, by the time you figure out what the company’s name is and get it programmed in, we’ll be in New Mexico.”
“I have their business card with the exact address on it.”
“Where IS the card?”
“In the trunk. When we get to Scottsdale, I’ll stop and get it out.”
Hours later . . . stopped on side of road . . . looking for card AND his wallet.
“Would you please program that address in BEFORE you start driving in this traffic?”
“Why?”
“Give me that thing.”
Travel 15 miles south, then exit right.
Thirty minutes later (traffic is heavy) . . .
In 2 miles, turn right, then turn left.
“I don’t think she knows what she’s talking about.” “What did you program in?”
“The address on the card that you gave me.”
In 1 mile, turn right, then turn left.
“Where’s the volume on her? Can you turn her down?”
In 300 feet, turn right, then turn left.
“She doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about.”
Turn right, then turn left.
Recalculating.
“I’m going to stop and get the map out.”
“What map?”
“The map the company faxed me with the directions.” 
"You have a map of where we are going?"
Turn right, then turn right.
“Where IS the map?”
“In the trunk.”
Recalculating.
“OK, I’m going to take the next exit, then stop, and get the map out of the trunk.”
Breathe – Count – Breathe – Count
Lost satellite reception.
“This is a one-way going back the way we just came.”
Breathe – Count – Breath – Count- My left eyelid is twitching.
“There’s no place to stop.”
I think I’m hyperventilating.
“OK, this looks like a good place to stop. I’ll just hop out and get the map out of the trunk.”
You have reached your destination.
"What did she say?”
“She said you’re an idiot. To pay attention to her female voice next time because she does know where she's going."
“What is the name of the company on that business card?”
“The same name that’s on the marquee that we’re parked under.”
You idiot.

Question: What happened to this man’s Chevrolet pickup?

Answer: On his next trip (that he took by himself) he was programming HER, and hit one of those green, metal, reflector poles doing about 60 mph. No one was hurt, and he is now searching for his third GPS gadget.

Photo Above: Please give clues as to what you think is pictured here. Please don't give the location away.