Anecdotes, Antidotes, and Anodes

Not My Day to Be in Charge of Him

Since yesterday's snorkeling adventure just wasn't exciting enough for theHansMan (pronounced HahnzMon), today was a day for diving.

The day began with a nutritious breakfast of fresh fruit.  All of which is fairly identifiable... kiwi, cantaloupe, honey-do-this-and-that-melon, watermelon, pineapple, and what I think is papaya !  To me, papaya smells like baby burp, but if you squeeze enough lime juice over it, the taste is pretty good.  They say it's very healthy for you, but I've yet to figure out who 'they' is.

Just in case you can't identify who's in this photograph . . .

. . . I asked them to turn around and pose for the camera.

Thank you Mr. Dive Master.  You can be in charge of him today.
By the way, that's an awfully ugly cap you have on.

As usual, he's pointing, conducting, controlling . . .

. . . and. . . what the heck did you do with your Dive Master ?

OK. I feel better now that's there's someone responsible in that boat.

Caption for this photo:  "Today's the Day."    ---Mel Fisher

He's out there somewhere !

 

In the meantime, I resign myself to the fact that I may not leave Mexico with a sunburn,
probably not even a suntan, as indicated by the gray skies boiling around up there.

But, leaving with 'a mildew' is not what I had in mind. 
If you listen closely, you can hear the thunder and if you scratch-and-sniff your monitor, you can probably smell the salty mist in the air. 
Are there hurricanes in February ? 

In the meantime, just outside my window, a lady drowns while snorkeling today.
No $hi+ ! 

So before anyone gets too apprehensive concerning the where-abouts of theHansMan, I found him back in our room on his iPad.

Treasures ?

To be continued . . .

In the meantime, you can check out photos from December 2010 below.

What Sign ?

After having been married to theHansMan for over seventeen years, it has finally become quite evident to me that:

1)  he doesn't read signs

2) if he does read a sign

3) it doesn't register as to what it might mean

4) or that what it says applies to him

5) in any form or fashion

6) whatever !

For instance:

1) Sign says, "right lane ends in 500 feet"

2) he drives 499 feet

3)  he apply brakes

4) we come to a screeching stop 1 foot from barricade

5) he turns on left turn signal and hopes someone lets him merge into the left lane

6) you know this type of driver !

Or:

Signs like this:

. . .with the little guy and the 'ghost-buster' sign over him. . .

. . . indicating that you are NOT to walk on the rocks out to the water . . .

.. . mean absolutely nothing, nada, zilch to theHansMan !
Ironically, the little guy on the sign and theHansMan are poised in the same fashion.
Notice that ?

It didn't take long for the Polizia de Playa to show up.
I'd say about dos minutos.

Yup.  He's gonna end up in a Mexican prison.

After about five or eight minutes of conversation, the young man in the yellow shirt departed the scene, and theHansMan continued doing what he set out to do.

Snorkel.  Looking for treasure !

 

Now you see him !

Now you don't !

Tomorrow . . . or maybe the next day, I'll take a slow boat to China Cuba to see if he's washed ashore yet.

 ******************************

Previous post from Akumal 2010 is below ! 

Sharing a Suitcase with HansMan

Someday I will learn how to pack . . . just before a trip, I will take certain items of clothing OUT of the suitcase and put other certain items of clothing IN the suitcase, then once arriving to our destination will realize what was taken OUT  was  needed and was put IN is not needed. 

This is especially true when we fly and have the fifty pound limit.  My suitcase weighs fifteen pounds empty !  (I have found some very lightweight, inexpensive cheap luggage and will tell you what it is if you're interested in a later post.)

So, when we arrived home from our SIX-THOUSAND-plus road trip and HansMan announced we would be flying to California the next day and that we would be SHARING a suitcase, my head began to spin in first in one direction and then in the other.

For those of you who have read here long enough probably know the difference in how the two of us operate.  ie.  I make list after list after list and he flies by the seat of his pants.  That is a simplified version of:

I am anal-retentive-obsessive-compulsive.  Not to mention being a bit of a control freak...and somewhat of a worrier who stresses-out-quite-often.

He is happy-go-lucky-live-in-the-moment, never anticipating much of anything,  and then dealing with whatever happens at the time.

Note to self:   STOP IT !

Fast forward to twenty-four hours before the California trip. 

I have very neatly folded each piece of my clothing, organized each of those pieces of clothing into 'outfits' complete with accessories and carefully laid them in my half of the suitcase.  (In the order I will be needing them.

1.  PJ's on top
2.  Outfit for second day next
3.  PJ's for second night next
4. You get the picture ?

All my toiletries, makeup, hair products...including hair dryer and flat iron, meds, and other essentials are organized into separate zipped travel bags. 

Fast forward to THREE hours before heading to the airport . . .

HansMan has showered.

He has decided to go to the office and yells this to me as I am in the shower,  and that I will need to finish packing, load the suitcase, drive to the office, pick him up, and then head to the airport.

No problem.

When I emerge from the shower, I notice that the suitcase I spoke of earlier looks as though it has imploded.

Upon closer inspection, I notice many, many, many loose items such as deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, Advil . . . are sprinkled throughout shorts, sandals, shirts, underwear . . .   Some of his items have even made their  way onto my neatly organized half of the suitcase.

OK. And so when I say Advil, I don't mean the bottle.  I mean actual Advil capsules are sprinkled in and among the crevasses of  his clothing.  Wrinkled clothing, I might add.

Fast forward to FIVE  minutes before departing the house . . .

Kneeling on the lid of the suitcase, it is zipped  shut and is carried downstairs kicked downstairs.

Driving to the office, doing a mental checklist of everything that has so carefully been packed  (my half),  I'm fretting over what I might have forgotten.

Fast forward to several hours after arriving to our destination . . .

Feeling a little twinge of a headache, the search through my zippered bag containing carefully thought out travel items does not reveal a bottle of Advil, Tylenol, or any other type of pill drug that might alleviate the subtle pounding in my left temple.

The conversation goes like this:

Him:  What are you looking for ?

Me:  Something for my headache.

Him:  Is it a migraine ?

Me:  No.  Not yet.

Him:  Do you need an Advil, or something ?

Me:  Yes.

He pulls a wrinkled shirt from his half of the suicase.  Several Advil capsules fall to the floor.  He picks a couple of them up and hands them to me.

Him:  Here you go.  Someday you'll learn how to pack.

Me:  (Insert expletive here !)

 

 

 

Adventures with Anode Man

 Ever heard any of these:

"Hey, watch this."

"What will happen if I punch all these buttons at once?"

"Oh, I can fix that."

"Don't worry, I've done this before."

"Where's the ladder ?"

"The sky lights need cleaning."
(Four weeks after having knee replacement surgery.)

"Sure I can stand on my head."

"Jump in.  It's not that cold."

"I'm going to use your: 
computer
telephone
iPad . . . "

"Let's take fireworks to Lake Powell."

"Wonder what's down this road?"

"Wonder what's up this road?"

"Wonder what all those people are doing ?"

"Let's go over there where all those cars are."

"But we've never been to a Mexican Rodeo."

I could go on and on, but you get the picture.   And, by now you've probably made the assumption that these are just a few things I've heard while being married to Anode Man. 

Last Saturday was one of his full-fledged adventures, complete with many new quotes.

Saturday was our 17th anniversary and it was a memory-making day.  In more ways than one.  We participated in Walk-4-Life, bought fruit and veggies at the Farmer's Market, (yes, he bought cantaloupe "These don't have listeria."), ate brauts and sauerkraut and drank grape Fanta at October Fest.

My hope was to drive through the mountains to see the Aspens before they dropped all those golden leaves, but because we spent so much time on the above listed activities, the sunlight was fading fast behind The Monument.

As we walked into the house, Anode Man started gathering things up in the kitchen and throwing those things in plastic bags. He told  me to load the dogs in the van while he finished.  And to hurry up.

As we drove down the driveway, he said, "I thought this had a full tank of gas."

My thought was, "Oh, crap."

My question was, "Where are we going?"

As usual, he always has a plan and this time was no different. 

He told me we were going to head up The Monument several thousand feet to the see the golden Aspens. And not to worry, "We have enough gas to get to Glade Park Store. I'll fill it up there."

Please understand, most of these photos were taken from the van.

A van that's moving.

Through the windshield. 

The climb up is scenic and not one for those weak-of-stomach.

This is the valley.  You can see Mt. Garfield, the small bump almost directly in the center, way-far-away in the background.

To the left of that small bump are The Bookcliffs that head to Utah. 

And, on the right-hand side is part of The Grand Mesa.

That green area basking in the sun is Grand Junction.

Yes, he honks everytime we go through the tunnels.

And rolls the windows down so it's more than just ear piercing.

The scenery is spectacular.

We are going up and up and up and winding and winding and winding. 

Yes, that's Mt. Garfield, The Grand Mesa, and Grand Junction down below. 

Way down below.

Because of this little shower, the temperature  dropped rapidly. 

And this rainbow just magically appeared.

Things are blurry when you speed by signs . . .

. . . but amazingly enough, this shot was very clear.

The entire trip up The Monument was a bit nerve-wracking because of the needle on the gas gauge, but we finally made it to here.

Unfortunately, The Glade Park Store was closed.

My thought was that we would just head back down 'the hill,' and probably go to the local gas station and fill up.

Not.

Remember those quotes at the beginning of this post ?

Add one more:

"I think we can make it up there."

My thought is, "Yes, but can we make it back down here ?"

And we did make it up there.

These were the first Aspens we came to and the only Aspens we saw.  Oh, there were more, but that would have meant using more gas, which we did not have.

After taking a few photographs, he turned the van around, and we started back downhill.

When I say "downhill," I'm not  talking down a hill.  It's more like "down a mountain."

See how high up we are?

As we head 'down-hill,' he puts the van in neutral and we start coasting 'down-hill.'

To save gas.

Did you know that when you do this, POWER steering and POWER brakes no longer exist ?
Did you know that the road we are on is more of a 'switch-back' trail with about a 75% grade?
Did you know that I have a pretty healthy 4-letter word vocabulary ?

Please be advised, this is not a well-kept road trail. 

Ever heard of rub-board road ? 

Ever driven on one ?

Ever ridden in a van that is traveling at a speed that is too fast, with no POWER steering or brakes on a rub-board road ?

I swear I saw the back end of that van pass us on several curves.

"Hans, are you listening to me ?  "AT THE NEXT WIDE SPOT IN THIS ROAD, STOP THIS VAN, START THE ENGINE, AND DRIVE DOWN THIS MOUNTAIN."

He did.

He did stop the van.

He did not start the engine.

Why ?

Because the van wouldn't start.

"Do we have any jumper cables ?"

It didn't matter that we didn't have jumper cables.  There were no other cars to jump from.

Not only were there no cars up there.

There was no cell phone signal either.

"Well, at least we won't starve."

He was speaking of the 'things' he threw in that plastic bag just as we were leaving.  Those things were:  trail mix, chips, cheese, and wine.  (No cork screw.) 

It really didn't matter about not having a cork screw.  My wine-drinking days are behind me.   So, if he needed a drink, that would be his problem.

As usual, anytime the van starts up, the dogs pile in.

June Bug kept watch from her side of the van.

Lola kept watch from her side of the van.

Ginger slept.

They didn't seem to mind that we were once again coasting down this mountain.

The conversation went like this:

Me:  "What's that smell ?"

Him:  "Uh, brakes."

Me:  **insert expletive here**

 

We finally made it back to here.

The store was still closed.

Sometime this summer, Anode Man did a job here.  He protected the gas tanks with one of his systems and didn't even charge the lady who owned the store.

This was the view from my vantage point as Anode Man headed around back of the store.

He was gone for a good fifteen minutes.

 

When  he emerged, he came back with these yellow jumper cables.

Not sure what he intended to hook them to at this point.

Several minutes later, the lady who owns the store drives up. 

That random act of kindness paid off. 

She remembered Hans and was more than happy to help him out.

He seems to be wondering, "Is it red on positive and black on negative OR red on negative and black on positive ?"

 

It only took a few minutes to fire up the van, and we were headed back home enjoying these views:

This was the view from our driveway of where we had been.

We made it home safely on fumes.

The van is still sitting in the driveway with an empty tank of gas and worn out brakes.

**********************
Message from the Emergency Swampcast System: 

For those of you who never read the comments, this one was left by Anode Man:

This is the ghost of Anode Man. In His defense, his Swiss army knife has a corkscrew. Secondly, the gas gauge needle was on "E" going UP the mountain because the float gauge was in the front of the tank and the gas was in the BACK of the tank. Also, smoking brake pads will cool if you sit long enough with a dead battery. At 6:30 we still had 30 minutes of daylight. You didn't mention that he took you to the movies when you got home! What a guy!

 

 

Happy Birthday, AnodeMan

Happy thirty-first birthday for the thirtieth time !

Just in case

you didn't notice

the combination

of

colors

and

patterns

in the above photo . . .

wrap your brain around this.

Designer Bath Soap

 

Any Guesses ?

 

How Do You Do This ?

Someone e-mailed and mentioned that there have been no HansMan Stories lately. 

That will be easy to fix.  There are always stories about HansMan . . . here's one.

Once uponce a time there was this guy sometimes known as Anode Man.  He traveled a lot.  Sometimes his wife traveled with him.  In fact, they've been traveling together for almost seventeen years.  Nothing much has changed . . .

What his side of the hotel room looked like after being in it FIFTEEN minutes !

Conversation:

Me:  How do you do that ?

Him:  Do what ?

Me:  Clutter up the room in just 15 minutes.

Him :  It's easy.  I can show you how.

************************

Cell Phone Conversation:

Me:  I'm at the grocery store.  What do you want for dinner ?

Him:  I don't know. What do they got ?

**click**

*************************

 

Recuperating with Ree's Best Sellers

REE-posted from June 16 . . . just because !

****************************************

Some days there is nothing to blog about . . . some days there's an abundance to share.

There are so many more photos of Benjamin that are just wiggling all over the place wanting to be posted.

Then, there are a couple of photos of JulieBug.  Yes, only a couple.  We spent most of our two and one-half hours together talking, talking, and talking.  (McDreamy featured here.)

Those photos will go up soon, but because there have been so many asking about the HansMan and how he is doing after his surgery, here's an update.

This is what the incision looks like.  Yes, that's a scar you see to the right from an operation performed about 100 years ago.

This is what he's doing.

This is what he's saying,

"I think I'll just stay right here until I finish reading this cookbook."

"This is the first cookbook I've ever read."

"Every man should read this cookbook 'cuz it's guy food."

"Do you think Ree buys her groceries in Pawhuska ?"

"Eating these meals from Ree's cookbook that you've fixed makes me want to renew our vows."

"I think you need to cook everything in this cookbook.  You know. Like Julie and Julia ?"

So, just for fun, I decided to make a grocery list of everything I would need IF I did prepare every meal in Ree's Cookbook.  Right now, I've gained five pounds just reading that book.

Here it is, in no particular order.  My obsessive-complusive inklings took over, so there is some semblance of order.

BUTTER:  272 Tablespoons
Cream Cheese:  41 ounces
Cheddar Cheese:  16 1/2 cups
Monterey Jack Cheese:  6 1/2 cups
Mozzarella Cheese:  2 1/2 cups
Goat Cheese:  4 cups
Ricotta Cheese:  8 cups
Parmesan Cheese:  6 cups
Sour Cream:  4 1/4 cups
Light Cream:  1/4 cup
Heavy Cream: 10 cups
Whole Milk:  22 cups   (plus 6 Tablespoons)
Half & Half:  3 cups
Buttermilk:  13 cups  (or have plenty of vinegar and extra milk to make your own)
Eggs:   83 eggs

Jalapenos:  21 give or take a few
Green Onions:  20ish
Red Onions:  3
Yellow Onions:  5 1/2
White Onions:  14 1/2 (whenever she just said onion, it was tallied as a white one)
Leeks:  3
Chives:  6 Tablespoons
Garlic Cloves:  31
Tomatoes:  8  (Do you say toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe, or mater?)
Plum Tomatoes:  7
Russett Potatoes:  16  (Taters)
Red Potatoes:  5
Yukon Gold Potatoes:  10 pounds, more or less
Baking Potatoes:  8
Corn:  8 ears
Carrots:  11
Yellow Squash:  2
Red Bell Pepper:  3
Green Bell Pepper:  3
Celery Stalks:  3
Iceberg Lettuce:  2 heads
Lemons: 7
Limes:  4
Oranges:  4
Fruit for the Cobbler:  Raspberries, Blackberries, Blueberries, or Peaches
Avocadoes:  1 avocado makes 1/2 cup guacamole
Cilantro:  34 Tablespoons or more
Parsley:  52 Tablespoons
Rosemary Sprigs:  4  (plus 2 Tablespoons chopped)
Thyme Sprigs:  3 
Basil Leaves:  (Just plant your own, you'll need it)
Paprika:  2 teaspoons
Dill:  2 Tablespoons

Allspice:  1 teaspoon
Chili Powder:  3 Tablespoons
Cinnamon:   15 1/2 teaspoons
Cumin:  3 Tablespoons
Dill Seed:  1 teaspoon
Dry Mustard:  4 teaspoons
Garlic Powder:  2 teaspoons
Nutmeg:  1 1/2 teaspoon
Oregano ground:  3 teaspoons
Paprika:  1 teaspoon
Pepper-Black:  45 teaspoons
Pepper-Cayenne  4 1/8  teaspoons
Pepper-Lemon  1  teaspoon
Salt:  59 1/2 teaspoons, 1 scant, and 14 1/2 dashes
Salt-Lawry's :  14 1/4 teaspoons - I'm buying stock in this company tomorrow !
Salt Kosher:   a little
Thyme:  3 Tablespoons

Flour:  64 1/4 cups  (plus 6 Tablespoons)  King Arthur is the best . . .just my opinion.
Flour-Cake:  2 1/2 cups
Flour-Masa:  1/4 cup
Flour-Self Rising:   1 cup
Corn Meal Yellow:  1 cup
Sugar:  21 cups  (plus 16 Tablespoons)
Sugar-Powdered:  2 1/2 pounds (plus 4 cups)
Sugar-Brown:  5 1/3 cups  (plus 6 Tablespoons)
Sugar-Super Fine:  6 Tablespoons
Baking Soda:  12 1/2 teaspoons
Baking Powder:  18 teaspoons
Cream of Tartar:  1 teaspoon
Yeast:  3 packages
Unsweetened Chocolate Squares:  4 ounces
Cocoa Powder:  10 Tablespoons
Extract-Maple:  3 teaspoons
Extract-Vanilla:  15 teaspoons  (We call it Ba-Nilla.)
Pecans:  1 1/4 cups
Red Food Coloring:  2 ounces

Oil-Canola:  3 3/4 cups
Oil-Olive:   49 Tablespoons
Oil-Vegetable:  1 cup
Grease-as in Bacon:  2 Tablespoons
Shortening: 6 cups  (plus 2 1/2 Tablespoons)

Lasagne Noodles:  10 ounces
Linguine:  1 pound
Macaroni:  4 cups
Penne Pasta:  1 pound  (This is for Betsy's recipe)
Spaghetti Pasketti:  1 pound

Bacon:  50 slices
Pork Shoulder:  6 pounds
Sausage:  5 pounds (some of this should be HOT !)
Tenderloin:  7 pounds
Cube Steak:  5 pounds
Beef-Brisket:  20 pounds
Beef-Ground:  9 pounds
Rib-eye:  2 of them
Chuck Roast:  5 pounds
Chicken-cooked:  2 cups
Chicken-Fryer:   3
Shrimp:  1 pound

Ketchup  (Just buy a bottle)
Tabasco (ditto from above)
Picante Sauce
Worchestershire What'sThisHereSauce:  5 1/2 teaspoons
Soy Sauce: 1 1/2 cups  (Kikkoman is gluten-free)
Vinegar-White Wine:  2 Tablespoons
Vinegar-Distilled:  17 teaspoons
Vinegar-Balsamic:  1/2 cup
Mayonaise:  2 1/2 cups
BBQ Sauce:  enough for the Poppers (I use Red Mud.)
Liquid Smoke
Pimentos:  4 ounces
Syrup:  for Pancakes and Peach Crisp
Syrup-Light Corn:  4 Tablespoons

Tomatoes-Whole: 29 ounces
Tomatoes-Diced:  29 ounces
Tomato Sauce:  28 ounces
Tomato Paste: 12 ounces
Tomato Juice:  46 ounces
Rotel:  2 cans
Beans-Pinto:  1 can
Beans-Pinto (dried):  4 cups
Beans-Kidney:  1 can
Enchilada Sauce:  28 ounces

Chicken Bouillon Cubes:  8
Chicken Broth:  2 cups
Beef Bouillon Cubes:  4
Beef Stock:  2 3/4 cups
Beef Consomme: 21 ounces  (2 14.5 ounce cans)
Cream of Mushroom Soup:  2 cans  (I'm itchin' just typing the word mushroom)
Green Chilis Diced:  8 ounces
Artichoke Hearts:  28 ounces
Prunes:  1 cup
Olives-Black:  29 ounces  (2 14.5 ounce cans)
Olives-Green with Pimentos:  6 ounces
Clams:  20 ounces
Pineapple-Sliced:  20 ounce can
Pineapple-Chunks:  2 cups
Maraschino Cherries:  1 jar

Peas-Frozen:  1/2 cup

Bread-Sliced:  2 loaves
Deli Rolls
French Bread:  1 loaf
Tortillas-Corn/Flour:  2 dozen
Fritos

Coffee:  1 cup, 1 teaspoon, and a splash
Sherry:  1 cup
White Wine:  1 1/2 cups, 1.5 liter, depending on how much you drink
Red Wine:  1.5, same applies here as above
Burgandy Wine:  1 liter . . .
Orange Flavored Rum: 1 cup
Orange Flavored Vodka: 1 cup
Whiskey:  1/4 cup

Toothpicks
Rubber Gloves (these are for making the Jalapeno Poppers.  I plan to wear goggles and a gas mask the next time I make them)

Now, for anyone who might think I just guesstimated what was needed to prepare EVERYTHING in Ree's
cookbook, here's the original list:

 

Hamming it up while reading this romance story.

Here's the scenario:

He's upstairs.  I'm downstairs making Ree's Cinnamon Rolls, and I hear him yelling something at me. It has the sound of a question . . .

Here's the conversation:

Him:  (indiscernable babble)

Me:  What ?

Him:  (repeats the indiscernable babble)

Me:  I can't understand you.

Him:  (louder, but still indiscernable)

Me: (coming to the bottom of the stairs and yelling, "What do you need ?"

Him:  (blah, blah, blah, blah, blah)

Me:  (ascending the stairs, entering the bedroom, huffing and puffing) . . .
W-H-A-T-D-O-Y-O-U-W-A-N-T ???

Him:  What's a black pump ?

(His other leg will heal in a few weeks.)

"By the way," he says, "I like the way she writes."

I reply, "You and the rest of humanity."

 

 

Kitchen Cabinet Doors Mystery

During the past few years, photos have been posted of 'things' in and around our house. These 'things' may have been baffling to the casual observer.  Or, they may have been fully understandable by those who have been frequent visitors to this glob blog.

Here is the latest 'baffling thing' that appeared in my kitchen:

Any ideas ?  Explanations ?  Captions ? Suggestions ?  Just write your own story . . .

****************************

On a different note and not a musical one ! 

The HansMan had knee replacement surgery this morning and six hours later he was standing up, with a bit of assistance. Of course, this is while he was still "under the influence" of a femoral nerve block.  Tomorrow may be a different story.

I Love You No Matter . . .

Last night theHansMan (pronounced HansMAAHN) and I attended a Lions Club Banquet.  It was the first time in several weeks that I was wearing something other than fleece, flannel, terrycloth, and barefeet. 

I had even gone to the trouble to have the "flip" cut off my neckline that had been antagonizing  me every time I looked into the mirror.  The 'hair cut' was noticeable because no matter how much I warned the gal with the scissors, she cut my bangs too short.  Reminiscent of my childhood.  (See post below with collage.)  During the drying process, I stretched and pulled on them hoping they would be longer but to no avail.

My war paint was applied and my body was already fussing as the non-elastic waistband cut into my flesh.

As we drove down the driveway, I asked theHansMan if he liked my hair.

Here's the conversation:

Me:  Do you like my new hair cut ?

Him:  What ?

Me:  Did you notice I got my hair cut ?

Him : NO.

Me:  Well, I did.  I got that flip cut off the neckline into this inverted U-shape.

Him:  What's that ?

Me:  Nevermind.  Do you like the cut ?

Him:  What was wrong with the flip ?

Me:  There's wasn't supposed to be a flip.  It looked really bad.

Him:  Sweetheart, I love you no matter how bad you look.

***silence**  **whack**  **whack** **ow**   **silence**