I'm not one who sits and watches TV.
I'm not one who sits, much.
But for the last 8, count them eight, I said E-I-G-H-T days I've pretty much been flat 'o my back.
Now, there's no need to share all the guts and gore of congestion, green snot, possibly coughing up a lung, topped-up sinuth cavities, earache, sore throat, sneezing, and a migraine.
Not to mention, my taste buds and smell buds have been kidnapped.
So, I won't share all that.
But, when it hurts to even blink, there aren't many activities that are considered fun.
Enter: Remote Control
I have learned so much this past week.
There's this gal named Tabitha who cusses like a sailor and goes in to these businesses, mainly hair salons, but sometimes yogurt shops and restaurants, and takes over. This is because the business is on the verge of going out of business, and Tabitha bursts through the door with a plan. She starts with the owner's behind and kicks it. Then the kicking spree continues with most all of the employees. It' great. I think I've seen every episode of Tabitha. I think I would like to introduce Tabitha to theHansMan.
On to cupcakes. This show causes much apprehension for me. Each week on Cupcake Wars, four of the country’s top cupcake bakers face off in three elimination challenges until only one decorator remains. The sweet prize: $10,000 and the opportunity to showcase their cupcakes at the winning gig.
How in the heck can anyone bake, frost, and display ONE-THOUSAND cupcakes in two hours ? It takes me two hours to find all the ingredients I need to bake ONE DOZEN cupcakes. Yes, I find myself almost hyperventilating with every countdown of minutes to seconds. Hurry...Hurry...I keep thinking.
But my apprehension isn't what concerns me about this show. It's the fact that I want to reach through the screen, grab the two judges by the throat, and choke them.
Candace Nelson, owner of Sprinkles Cupcakes, and Florian Bellanger, French chef and co-owner of online macaroon company MadMac, serve as permanent judges with a third rotating judge each week, and Justin Willman hosts. Sometimes, I want to choke Justin, too. Just for the fun of it.
Here's a blip of an episode . . .The contestants are given a list of ingredients that have to be included in the recipe. For instance, bbq sauce, anchovies, cayenne pepper, molasses, etc.
My thought is, "Are they making cupcakes or Pasta Puttanesca?"
Other ingredients . . . oysters, hot sauce, basil, are you kidding me ?
The contestants have to then concoct three different kinds of cupcakes complete with frosting using a combination of the 'suggested' ingredients.
Once the cupcakes are placed in front of the judges, who by the way, are sitting there steely-face, looking at the contestants as if they are criminals, taste-test them.
Candace critiques each cupcake and then says, "Your ingredients are a little confusing."
Ya Think ? How in the world could they not be ? Look at the ingredients you gave them to incorporate into the batter.
Now it's Florian's turn. Remember, he's French.
Well, zee cayenne pepper wazforzeemostpart
a leetle beet overwhelming and I'm notzure
that you conseedered zeebarbeeque zaus
vould affectzeeconzeestencee of zeebatter.
WHAT ? What did you just say ? The least this show could do is provide sub-titles when he speaks.
By the end of the show, I'm craving cupcakes and wanting to beat someone up. Since I'm not in any shape to do either, what do I do ?
Eat a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints. Yes, I said sleeve. All of them.
But, there are more shows that need to be watched.
Have you ever heard of Storage Wars ?
And what's the deal with all these Housewives of Orange County, Atlanta, New Jersey ? Who are these women ? Are they for real ? How do you spell bitchslap ?
That's enough blogging for now.
So, please excuse me while I go International House Hunting in Melbourne, Australia.
Stay tuned for Rattlesnake Republic and Hillbilly Handfishin' . . . oh yeah, the things you can see on teevee.