The Voice Still Trembles

As you can see, the words traveled down my arm, through my fingers, and onto the keyboard. Capitals, punctuation, grammar, etc., were not important.  Every cell in my body was involved remembering and writing this.

09-04-01
the end of a memorable week in NYC we are on a plane back to colorado
our daughter on a plane back to oklahoma
little did I know the photo still in my camera of her sitting on the hotel bed with the stately towers providing the backdrop would become a most cherished one the very last one of the two giants providing the outline for that famous skyline gone forever but forever an image in my mind

09-11-01

 

the beginning of a usual day sunrise wrestling with the dogs coffee
then the news
standing in the exact place in my kitchen when the news of the oklahoma city bombing flashed across the screen

a pendulum of emotions and thoughts fear hope disbelief hope confusion hope pain hope panic hope horror hope hope hope

a snapshot in time...j.f.kennedy, space shuttle, first images of desert storm, oklahoma city and now such vivid detail all my senses engage first plane maybe an accident second plane who is osama bin laden

pentagon
attacked on our own soil

flight 93 how many more planes

find the phone fingers shake uncontrollably dialing a staten island number all circuits busy fingers dial every staten island number in planner

finally a trembling voice

hello where are they

they being four of our new york city firefighter/policemen friends
we don't know we can see the smoke from here

not wanting to hang up for fear of losing contact with the voice at the other end of the connection clinging to every word please call back
this is a nightmare please wake up each minute is an eternity

waiting for the call about our friends
hours pass

then the call comes the ring of the phone fills the air with sheer panic my hand is frozen then moves in slow motion

the news comes all four friends are safe but so many of their brothers, sisters, friends are unaccounted for
now they are our friends too

days pass stories range from sheer horror to miracles

our nation rallies together

why does it take a tragedy

?

 

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09-11-02
09-11-03
09-11-04
09-11-05
09-11-06
09-11-07
09-11-08
09-11-09
09-11-10
09-11-11 (  May 2, 2011 Osama bin Laden buried at sea thrown overboard the USS Carl Vinson.)

I will call Staten Island today. The voice will still tremble.

I called Staten Island today.  The voice trembled BUT then it was strong. Very Strong !

*****************************************************************

Where were you when the World stood still?

*****************************************************************

Today, we reflect on the moment we became one.

Differences cast aside, we stood together.

In memory, we stand unified.

Comments

[Swampwitch]

I really don't expect any comments to this post...it was written without proper capitalization, punctuation, and I'm sure there are spelling errors...It is difficult and confusing to read...It was difficult to write...
It was written mainly for me to just express the confusion I still have about such a terrible day in the history of our nation.

[LAW]

Wow mom, that's the best blog entry yet! We love you Staten Island Family and all of yours who served and serve today!

[Pamela]

I must know all about that state.
I understood it completely

[michele]

You can delete this comment if you want, but I wanted to let you know that I saw your comment on the Blogging Chicks Metablog and I thought I would let you know that I have a link for a video on how to do links in blogger. The link for the video can be found by clicking the "resources" tab on top of the Blogging Chicks Metablog. I also have a link for how to add a graphic to a post.

[Debs]

I understood every word :)

Thank you so much for the encouraging words you posted to me about school. I feel in love teaching Pre K I had 4 year olds. I have thought many times about going to school to become a teacher. I will be printing your encouraging words out and hanging on my fridge to read everyday :)
Because I hope by this time next year to be enrolled in college once more...to get my teaching degree :)

THANK YOU!!! :)

[Lisa]

Thank you for visiting my tribute and commenting.

I actually enjoyed(?) this post, you've written it almost as it was rushing through your head...I have no doubt that thousands of people had so many similar thoughts and feelings running through them on this day 5 years ago.

Your post has been written like you are rushing it out, breathless with anxiety. It's very fitting. Ihank you for the insight.

Here is my tribute to Michael Ragusa should anyone else care to read it.

[Ms.L]

I understood completely:)

[Gayle]

This is exellent. Expressing that sort of emotion doesn't call for punctuation and grammar. You expressed it with your lack of it; I felt your confusion, panick and worry.

Good going, Swampwitch! I'm also very relieved to find that your friends were okay.

[Karmyn R]

I think we all felt that way. - minds racing at the craziness of it all. I'm so glad your Staten Island family was safe.

[Pam]

I can't read another one today. I just can't.

But I will come back and read it.

Thank you for honoring Mr. Salomon with your words.

Thank you.
♥Pam

[gramange]

You expressed just how so many Americans feel about that terrible day. Today, my husband, a retired firemen went to ground zero to pay his respect to so many of his friends and brothers of the FDNY. We as a family were very lucky. I went for my usual evening walk. Stopped at the top of the hill over looking New York Harbor.
Two beautiful white beams shining high in the sky glowing on the cloud cover. What a tribute.

[Swampwitch]

LAW: Thanks for reading and especially for taking the time to post the compliment. We love Bobbo!

Gramange: Thanks for the call this morning. It was good to hear your voice. I'm glad the beams of light were visible for your walk tonight.

Pamela, Ms.L, KamrynR, Pam:
Thank you for visiting today and posting. I try to visit you everyday that I can.

Michele: I published this so that others who may not know how to post a link can benefit from the information you sent. Although, I may be the only blogger who doesn't know how to do this.

Debs: Glad to know my words made an impact. Just think, this time next year you'll be on your way.

Lisa: Thank you for the comment and for giving us the link to Michael's tribute.

Gayle: Wow! I have more info in my e-mails from you than what's in the Dummy book...plus it's easier to understand. Can't wait to return home to use it.

[No]

Your writing describes exactly how I was feeling.
Thanks for the touching story..I agree..it is your best yet.


P.S. This is so completely minimal, and I can't believe I am writing this after this touching post, but I finally learned how to "link."

[Praying for your Prodigal]

Perfect! It's represents the confusion and dread we all felt that day.

I have posted a tribute honoring Sgt. Michael Curtin, a NYPD officer who willingly walked into that dread and confusion five years ago on a rescue mission; his body was recovered from the rubble of Ground Zero months later.

So many lost lives, so many heroes.

Diane

[RedNeckGirl]

amazing post! I am with Gayle there was no need for punctuation, capitalization etc.....it was pure emotion, gave me goosebumps and tears....thank you so much for sharing!

[DevilBlueDress]

Thank you so much for sharing. We all remember. I'm collecting the memories. Drawn here because I saw that you spent hours reading tributes. Perhaps you'll help me find the places you were... Help me build the collection

The day and the memories are hard for all of us.

[G]

Swampwitch, that was perfectly and beautifully written. I understand completely what you are saying. Thank you for sharing it. I like your place, I'll have to come back for a visit.

[lilfeathers2000]

Its a great post.
I found you by the way over at Gayles blog.
What many can't understand is the raw pain that is still here on the surface. You expressed that so well.

[Laura]

Oh, yes. I have nothing to add that everyone else hasn't already said. But it was just like that, wasn't it? Sitting around with our brains and hearts screaming and nothing making sense. What an achey time that was.

Thanks for sharing it.

[C]

I think it's written perfectly without all the grammar. It conveys best the emotion.

[SignGurl]

Well said, SwampWitch! I wouldn't change a word.

[Robin]

The way you wrote it conveyed as much expression as the words. It's how many of us were processing that day five years ago...

This remembrance was as poignant as any I've read...glad you penned your thoughts.

[Swampwitch]

NO: Glad you agreed with LAW about the post. I tried writing with capitals, punctuation, etc. and my thoughts were too far ahead of my fingers. Congrats on being successful with the links. I hope to have time tomorrow to try again.

Praying For Your Prodigal: It was just that, sheer confusion. Thank you for your tribute to Sgt. Curtin.

Red Neck Girl: As I said earlier, I just couldn't write fast enough so I just wrote words.

Devil Blue Dress: I will be at your place soon to help you with the collection and how I Blog Traveled that day.

G: Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you understood. It was even difficult for me to make sense of it when I tried to proof it.

Lilfeathers 2000: Glad you found me via Gayle. And yes, the pain is still raw.

Laura: Thank for reading. And yes, it is still achey. Isn't interesting how we all have our words to describe this event.

C: A pendulum of emotions, yes.

Robin: Thank you for reading. Poignant is certainly one way to descrive those thoughts.

[laurie]

ah, swampy, you capture the confusion and fear and anger very well.

i was at home, exercising before work, when doug came flying down the stairs and said a plane had crashed into the world trade center. we raced upstairs, where he had the news on TV, and we saw reports of a second plane.

that was the beginning of a string of very very long days at work. the first day, we put out an EXTRA edition. i wrote the front page copy, which was very short. mostly, the front page was horrifying pictures.

night after night i was there til midnight or later, editing what i called the "stories of sorrow"--the profiles and anecdotes of people who had died in the towers. we only had so much room, and so a story that made the cut at 7 p.m. would get axed by 8:30 when a sadder story came past my desk.

i remember well the night that people were asked to put a lighted candle on their stoop in remembrance. i walked the dogs along our street quite late in a september drizzle, looking at candles, and flags, candles and flags, on every house.

[Melanie]

What a touching post. I love how it was written- just as the thoughts came to your mind they poured out onto the keyboard. Very nicely done.

[hulagirlatheart]

I was the news director for a medium sized newsroom. Just arriving at work, I watched the second plane hit the towers and knew it was going to be a very...long....difficult....day...week...month.

[nikki]

I think everyone can remember the exact moment when they found out about the attack and what they were doing. That moment will be forever etched into the minds of so many. Wonderfully put Swamp Queen.

[Cindy Z]

Very moving post. My sister inlaw now lives in NY, but just recently. I know how helpless I felt and that was without really knowing anyone there. I can't imagine the nightmare if you had friends or realitives living there at the time. When the news first broke I was in the shower. Can you believe that was the day my older son and his friend rode 25 miles for their biking merit badge. We decided to let them go and they took a radio along to listen to the news. It was a hard decision at the time. I just wanted everyone home and where I could see them.

[Carrums]

Very well written despite any punctuation or grammar errors; straight from the heart. And, like so many have said, exactly what we were all thinking and feeling at the time. I'll never forget that day as my hubby had just come back from taking my sd to school; we watched both planes without breathing. His secy was in NYC on vacation. I remember feeling so helpless and anxious to hear something. Glad your family was safe:) We were just there in April, but I couldn't go down to the site.

[Sandy]

Excellent post, Swampy. You captured so many of our hearts. Thanks.

[min]

It was too strange for me to describe here. One day, I too will post on this.

[Lisa's Chaos]

I think you capture the shock of that day quite well. I'm glad you shared it again as I wasn't "here" a year ago.

[Jenni in KS]

I think I should just keep the Kleenex by the computer today.

Those same tragedies (except J.F.K., I wasn't born) mark my life. I remember them all so vividly, where I was, what I was doing, how I felt, how I reacted. The emotion comes rushing back full force in remembering each of them. It makes me more thankful for and cling even more tightly to the happy memories which mark the passing years, hopefully in greater number than the tragedies.

We know someone who had a meeting that morning in one of the towers on one of the floors that few people escaped from. Someone was late and held up the meeting. She stepped outside for a cigarette while everyone was waiting. The first plane hit as she was smoking in front of the building. She likes to say that smoking can kill you, but it saved her life that day. I think Someone else had a hand in it. And the person who was late? Someone was looking out for him, too.

[kaytabug]

Swampy...I get this post even with all the "mistakes" I can read it easy as I can relate to the feelings...it is still so raw for me too. You expressed more than I could...I did my own today...

[RWA]

Very well done. I can't imagine hearing the trembling in the voice.

I was teaching a golf class a few miles from campus. The old man who ran the golf shop came in late. He asked if we had heard about the plane that hit the World Trade Center.

We hadn't - and I assumed it was a small, private plane or something like that.

When class finished and I went inside, he had it on television. I stood there in shock. Moments later, the second plane hit. I drove back to the office as fast as I could, listening to the news on the radio.

I turned it on at work. I raced home and stayed up almost until dawn on 9/12, watching. Staring in disbelief.

[her indoors]

oh Swampy that was so touching, we felt the pain over here, it was so so sad.
i was looking after a friends daughter who was recovering from throat surgery, had to take her to have the stitches out that day, everywhere we went people were in shock, so glad your friends survivied, so sad on the loss of so many lives, well written my friend

[juicer]

One word.. beautiful

[janet]

Hey I got you loud and clear and I bet it did take long to post. Don't ya just hate editing? I do. To many good post go down the drain fretting over details.

I was in bed by the way, don't remember why I don't believe I was sick. I was when my I turned on the TV, my mother was the one that called to tell me. We, hubby and I shifted to survival mode, I wanted my son with us. I thought there would be more attacks and then there were. The pentagon and then the jet going down in Pa, my home state. Oh my gosh when will it stop.... were our thoughts. My thoughts went out to our finicial adviser, who we've know for years,, who works at Janney Montgomery Scott on Broadway, but honestly didn't know where that was in relation to the towers.
As it turned out he was ok watched it all happening and shared the horrifying chain of events with us when we next met. We were scheduled to meet him two days after, it was a month till he got on a plane.

That's pretty much what I remember.

[Carrums]

Swampy, don't know where this will post, but I can't get to the next page now. Did you change something?

[momto3cubs]

I remember wondering "What's next?! Will it ever stop?"

And I still do.

Where was I that morning? Just about to leave for a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting with my oldest boy, who was then 4 years old. My MIL came over to babysit my middle son (who at that time was my youngest son and age 2) and as she came in the door she blurted out in disbelief about the planes hitting the towers. I listened to the radio as I drove to the MOPS meeting, and it sounded like the whole damn country was under attack. Very scary. When I arrived at the meeting and told the other moms what was going on, they hadn't heard about it yet (had been busy getting their kids ready, etc.). All through the meeting I was shaking.

Watched TV the rest of the day. My 4 yr old said simply, "Mom, we're at war." He still remembers that day, too.

This morning before the boys went to school, they lined our yard with small flags.

God bless the USA.

[Devon]

Great post!!! I'll remember that day always. I awoke and my hubby the firefighter and Fema Urban Search and Rescue specialist was already at work here in california. I tried calling him, so afraid he would have to go. He had already been deployed to ground zero.

For the next two weeks I lived in fear of losing him to the dangerous work that had to be done.

So much fear and loss. It defines the power and destruction of hate. It showcases the strength and beauty of the human spirit.

[Margaret]

I was in Duncan Oklahoma visiting a client when i worked at an ad agency.

The world stood still then. It stood still today.

I will never forget.

[Pamela]

I left the Baltimore-Washington Intl Airport late the afternoon of the 10th. Got into Portland Or around midnight. So, I was sleeping in -- and madder than hobs at Northwest for messing with my luggage.
It seemed trivial so trivial after I woke up and saw the news.

[Julie]

I am so glad you reposted this. It was touching the first time and just as touching this time. I love all the punctuations and all, it kind of "makes" the post even better. I hope you understand what my warped mind is trying to get at.

That is one day I will never, ever forget.

[Karisma]

I was home alone with my babies and thought it was some sort of stunt! It shocked and scared me to bits back then but these days I wonder if its gone on a bit too long! The past needs to rest at some time! We are all of us so fragile hey? Regardless of where we come from?

[Church Lady]

I was home with my girls and remember school being cancelled. It is a vivid memory and I will never forget.

[Sandy]

I love the power of words and you, ma'am, are a mighty weilder. Thanks again, Swampy, for putting my heart on your page.

[Janis]

Amen and God Bless America!

[Lisa]

I had the day off work that day and was laying in bed having the strangest dream...in my dream I was sitting in my living room watching TV and a cannon ball blasted through my house...leaving a hole from one end to the other...as I was freaking out over that one...another cannon ball blasted through my house...then I got a call from a friend that woke me from my dream. "Lisa what are you doing"...me "just woke up having the weirdest dream"...friend "turn on the TV..we are at war"..me "WHAT?"..then the TV came on and I watched in absolute horror. What a sad day for our country, but a day that made us even more proud to be Americans.

I was watching Fox News this past week (the only news channel my Dad will watch) and the atheists were arguing about the steel crosses from the wreckage going in the 9-11 museum. I was thinking to myself...my how fast "some" forget about how this bonded us as a nation, regardless of religious beliefs. Besides what is an atheist? Someone who believes in nothing! I just don't get it!

[Puppysitter]

I was hoping you'd post this tribute again...reading it is part of my rememberance, and it was the first thing I looked for this morning.

Today it seems to me like the greatest way we could honor those who were lost on that day, as well as in the wars since, would be to remember the courage, the singleness of purpose, the way the country united, how everyone reached out a hand and we stood proud together, as Americans.