The HansMan has a way of pushing buttons . . . literally and figuratively !
After having been married to him for five years . . . ten years . . . fifteen years . . . over fifteen years, I have spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to hide my buttons. He has that special knack of knowing exactly where they are and which ones to push . . . and when.
Even now, when he does succeed in finding one and pushing it, I try very hard not to let him know he has set me off.
But that's the figurative part of this story.
He literally will push E.V.E.R.Y. button in the car, on the computer, on the telephone, on the TV, on anything that doesn't seem to be working properly. He pushes them randomly and with force. Over and over and over again. All of them.
Join me in a conversation that happened several years ago when he stayed home while I flew somewhere for a few days or ten. This was just after we had joined the 21st Century and had a satellite dish and DVR's installed.
When the plane landed, I turned on my phone, noticing he had called. About six times. While getting ready to listen to all the voice mails he had left, the phone rang. Foolishly, I answered.
Him: What did you do to the TV's ?
Me: What ?
Him: None of the TV's work. What did you do to them ?
Me: What do you mean they don't work ?
Him: They're all blue.
Me: Blue ?
Him: That's what I said. Blue.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about.
Him: You sabotaged the TV's didn't you ?
Me: Sabotaged ? The TV's ? Are you drinking ?
Him: No. But I'm going to start if you don't tell me how to fix the TV's.
Me: Lower your voice. I'm not deaf.
Him: I'm not shouting.
Me: Yes, you are.
Him: No, I'm not. Now, tell me what to do with the TV's.
Me: You really want me to tell you what to do with them ? Well . . .
Him: Don't start with that attitude and stop laughing.
Me: OK. Tell me what you've done.
(I already knew what he had done. He had pushed every button on every remote in the house.)
Him: Well, I pushed the "ON" button on the remote and the TV in the den was 'snowy.'
Me: Which remote did you use ?
Him: What do you mean WHICH remote did I use ?
Me: Well, one of the remotes controls the receiver and the satellite. One of the remotes controls the TV.
Him: You mean there are TWO remotes.
***he appears to be an intelligent man***
Me: Yes. There are two. How many buttons have you pushed.
(As I mentioned earlier, I already knew how many he had pushed.)
Him: All of them.
Me: And you're accusing me of sabotaging the TV's ? Are all of the TV's snowny ?
Him: No. They all turned blue after I kept pushing buttons.
Me: You pushed ALL the buttons on ALL the remotes in the house ?
Me: I can't help you. Call STS and ask them to walk you through what to "un-push."
Him: Who ?
Me: The satellite people. You know. The GUY ! And whatever you do, don't go up on the roof and mess with the satellite dish. You remember what happened to Alan in that episode of Two and a Half Men when he didn't call The GUY, don't you ?
Me: Promise you won't get a ladder and climb on the roof ?
Him: I promise.
As it turned out, THE GUY could not walk HansMan through the steps of trouble shooting the problem over the phone, so he had to come to the house to fix the blue TV's.
Fast forward to our road trip last month.
While babysitting grandkids on New Year's Eve and their parents went out to celebrate, this is what happened . . .
There are several morals to this story:
Please share yours in the comments.