Love 'n Marriage: Not an Oxymoron

Don't fall out of your chair, or snort your coffee, or gasp in disbelief because there happens to be a Mon Funday post here. It is real. I finally have taken the time to join the ranks of those who have nothing better to do than follow a fellow blogger's directions to share with the rest of the World another random part of our lives.

Today's Mon Funday hostess is Hoosier Girl. Clink this Link to find out who else is following her directions: She says this, "Here's my topic: Love and Marriage. I have been married twice, once for 14 years, once for a year (long story, for those of you who don't know me). And now I am mid-40s, involved with a wonderful man, contemplating marriage for a third time. So what I want to know is: what do you consider important to a good marriage or relationship? Tell us a story of something endearing about your marriage or your parents' marriage. Include any wedding pictures or images of love that remind you of what a good relationship should be."

My first marriage of 21 years ended in divorce. It was a horrible time in everyone's life who was within a hundred mile radius of me. I was a loose cannon. Before it was all over, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. During this three years of agony, I met and worked with this person who said these things to me during a six-month series of workshops with him:

The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.

You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.

If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.

Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?

(One of his favorite quotes is, "So, how's that working for you?")

There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.

Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.

You don't fix things by fixing your partner.

Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.

You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.

Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.

You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.

On a personal note, other things that are important to me are:
Honesty
Laughter.
Unselfishness.
Communication.
Forgiveness.
Support.
Teamwork.
Affection.
Equality.
Admiration.
Consideration.
Being Friends

Not forgetting to:
Hand over the remote.
Say, "Yes, dear."
Put the lid down.
Stop being patronizing and condescending.
Get out of my way during my hot flashes.
Ask for directions.

STOP:
Farting and blaming it on the dog.
Hanging up dirty shirts.
Throwing clean shirts on the floor.
Snoring.
Looking at me during my hot flashes.
Leaving the toilet paper on the floor.
(It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put it on the hanger.)
Leaving the seat up.
Pretending you don't hear the phone ringing or me talking.
Saying, "Well, I didn't know. It's not my fault."
Blowing out my scented candles.
Fussing about all the pillows on the bed.

Understand that when I say:
Yes, I mean no.
No, I mean yes.
Maybe, I mean no.
We need, I mean I want.
I'm sorry, I mean you'll be sorry.
Sure, go ahead, I mean you better not.
Do what you want, I mean you'll pay for this later.
I'm having a hot flash, I mean your life is in danger.
I am not upset, I mean of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're very attentive tonight, I mean is sex all you ever think about?

Also understand this:
A recent scientific study found that women are attracted to different male faces depending where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating, she prefers a man with rugged, masculine features and large pupils. However, when she is on her period, she prefers a man doused in gasoline, set on fire, with a pair of scissors stuck between his eyes, and a stump shoved up his arse.  Don't even dare to ask what she prefers if she's PMSing or going through menopause. Oh, and by the way, they call it PMSing because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Quotes:

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
---Socrates

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
---Groucho Marx

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
--Jimmy Durante

"I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds."
--Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Sure, marriage can be fun some of the time. Trouble is, you're married all of the time."
--Maxine

And now for a little music, listen to this sung by the Chenille Sisters, CLINK this LINK for song #21 

Or just sing it yourself to the tune of "Blowin' in the Wind"
(and apologize to Bob Dylan)

How many roads must a man drive down
Before he admits he is lost?
Why when a man becomes married is he
Unable to find his own socks?
How many times with it take 'til he knows
He's watched the Three Stooges enough?
The answer my friend I cannot comprehend.
The answer I cannot not comprehend.

How many shows must a man surf through
Before the remote burns out?
Why does he think that an intimate gift
Is a Dust Buster Plus for the house?
How many sounds can a man's body make
Before he sleeps on the couch?
The answer my friend is take two aspirin.
The answer is take two aspirin.

Why when we go for a romantic drive
Do we wind up at Home Depot again?
How many times will he leave the seat up
So I land on cold porcelain?
How men really feel is a mystery to me
And probably a mystery to them.
The answer girlfriend is driving me to gin.
The answer is driving me to gin.






I will close on a more serious note:

" No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."

"Whatever you're willing to put up with is exactly what you will have."



 

Comments

[Kila]

Excellent.

[Mike Golch]

good post.

[Mariposa]

Oh...wonderful post! And true, we teach people how to treat us...the reverse of the golden rule just make sense isn't it? Rather than treating others the way we want them to treat us, we have to treat ourselves how we want others would treat us and not only charity begins at home (I mean ourselves)...so is love and respect!

Have a great week!

[Karisma]

Well you certainly rose the occasion Swampy! Great post! Verbs? If I added anymore in down here he would point me in the direction of that "breathe" line there.

As for the remote, well I tried to steal it and hide it so he just went ahead and stole the one from the other room so I gave up and went back to my books.

Now speaking of keeping those men in line, Im off to wake up grumpy, who has had a toothache all night and kept ME awake as well as himself. I am taking him to the dentist to get it RIPPED out! Revenge is sweet my friend, the dentist was SO booked out and I put it out there to the universe that he must go today (before I kill him of course). What would he do without me? I really am so NICE....hehehehehehehehehehe!

[Janis]

Wow, I think you just about covered it all on relationships 101. I love Dr Phil, he has so much common sense. My Hubby always says you teach people how to treat you also. Its so true and simple, but most people just don't get it. I am so glad I did! Here's a tip for hot flashes...stand in front of the opened freezer door, that will take care of it.

[Sayre]

Do you mind if I print this out? I'll save it for whenever my son or my granddaughter ask about how to have a good marriage. You were spot on, Swampy. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Isn't it amazing how much we learn from our exes?

[Equoni]

What a wonderful post!!! You've just been saving up all that wonderful Swampy juice just to put out a classic for us, haven't you?!? You said it so well!!! With grace and humor as only you can do so well!!! Oh, I feel so good...I've had my Swampy fix!!!
I really like that second to last quote about the tears. I may write that and tape it to my wall.

[Church Lady]

Well, Swampy I think you just about covered a whole workshop on Love and Marriage! I especially love the quotes! Dr. Phil is right on! I think keeping a sense of humor in a marriage is VERY important. Glad to see you back!

Love the pics. of the "bald eagles"! LOL

[jill]

mariposa has a good point. we do have to treat ourselves the right way. I'm afraid I'm lacking a lot of that lately. Too much taking care of baby and zero taking care of me.

[Gattina]

I don't think that my taste concerning male faces changed during menstrual cycle, lol ! but I agree very much with you. For a long lasting marriage you need compromises, fun and humour together and a good portion of friendship too !

[nancz]

LMSS! i'm putting this post on one of my sidebars!

[Pamela]

I've been blessed with a husband who doesn't keep track of my mistakes. I'm so thankful.

(I didn't play today - I had to take my SIL in to get a tooth extracted.)

[Alison]

I think the scientific study is my favorite part of your epiloque, I mean post!

I have missed you!!

[Faye]

Swampy, can I wait until I'm about to get a husband to study your graduate course in marriage? At my age you have to be selective in feeding your mind. . .

In all seriousness, your observations on making a marriage work applies to all relationships that we care about. BTW, have you called out The Bloggess on her new advice coulumn where she claims to be better than Dr. Phil?

[HoosierGirl]

GREAT lists! I love it! You obviously spent a lot of time on this, and it shows!

Thanks for playing.

J.

[Molly]

Hello Swampy, As usual you have delighted us all with your wonderful and wise words about marriage.

[wolfbaby]

OMG you crack me up as always!! good to see you again.. thank you for the wonderful card if i haven't said it already:)

[Smart Mouth Broad]

Amen!

[Nessa]

Not much to add to that. I think you covered it all.

[bermudabluez]

You really should teach a course in this! And yes....we do all learn from our exes, don't we?? This post deserves a "Perfect Post" award!!