Don't fall out of your chair, or snort your coffee, or gasp in disbelief because there happens to be a Mon Funday post here. It is real. I finally have taken the time to join the ranks of those who have nothing better to do than follow a fellow blogger's directions to share with the rest of the World another random part of our lives.
Today's Mon Funday hostess is Hoosier Girl. Clink this Link to find out who else is following her directions: She says this, "Here's my topic: Love and Marriage. I have been married twice, once for 14 years, once for a year (long story, for those of you who don't know me). And now I am mid-40s, involved with a wonderful man, contemplating marriage for a third time. So what I want to know is: what do you consider important to a good marriage or relationship? Tell us a story of something endearing about your marriage or your parents' marriage. Include any wedding pictures or images of love that remind you of what a good relationship should be."
My first marriage of 21 years ended in divorce. It was a horrible time in everyone's life who was within a hundred mile radius of me. I was a loose cannon. Before it was all over, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. During this three years of agony, I met and worked with this person who said these things to me during a six-month series of workshops with him:
On a personal note, other things that are important to me are:
Not forgetting to:
Hand over the remote.
Say, "Yes, dear."
Put the lid down.
Stop being patronizing and condescending.
Get out of my way during my hot flashes.
Ask for directions.
Farting and blaming it on the dog.
Hanging up dirty shirts.
Throwing clean shirts on the floor.
Looking at me during my hot flashes.
Leaving the toilet paper on the floor.
(It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put it on the hanger.)
Leaving the seat up.
Pretending you don't hear the phone ringing or me talking.
Saying, "Well, I didn't know. It's not my fault."
Blowing out my scented candles.
Fussing about all the pillows on the bed.
Understand that when I say:
Yes, I mean no.
No, I mean yes.
Maybe, I mean no.
We need, I mean I want.
I'm sorry, I mean you'll be sorry.
Sure, go ahead, I mean you better not.
Do what you want, I mean you'll pay for this later.
I'm having a hot flash, I mean your life is in danger.
I am not upset, I mean of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're very attentive tonight, I mean is sex all you ever think about?
Also understand this:
A recent scientific study found that women are attracted to different male faces depending where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating, she prefers a man with rugged, masculine features and large pupils. However, when she is on her period, she prefers a man doused in gasoline, set on fire, with a pair of scissors stuck between his eyes, and a stump shoved up his arse. Don't even dare to ask what she prefers if she's PMSing or going through menopause. Oh, and by the way, they call it PMSing because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
"I have never hated a man enough to give back his diamonds."
--Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Sure, marriage can be fun some of the time. Trouble is, you're married all of the time."
And now for a little music, listen to this sung by the Chenille Sisters, CLINK this LINK for song #21
Or just sing it yourself to the tune of "Blowin' in the Wind"
(and apologize to Bob Dylan)
How many roads must a man drive down
Before he admits he is lost?
Why when a man becomes married is he
Unable to find his own socks?
How many times with it take 'til he knows
He's watched the Three Stooges enough?
The answer my friend I cannot comprehend.
The answer I cannot not comprehend.
How many shows must a man surf through
Before the remote burns out?
Why does he think that an intimate gift
Is a Dust Buster Plus for the house?
How many sounds can a man's body make
Before he sleeps on the couch?
The answer my friend is take two aspirin.
The answer is take two aspirin.
Why when we go for a romantic drive
Do we wind up at Home Depot again?
How many times will he leave the seat up
So I land on cold porcelain?
How men really feel is a mystery to me
And probably a mystery to them.
The answer girlfriend is driving me to gin.
The answer is driving me to gin.
I will close on a more serious note:
" No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry."
"Whatever you're willing to put up with is exactly what you will have."