Floaters vs. Sinkers

UPDATE:

Message from the Emergency Swampcast System: It has come to my attention that "posting about poop" seemed to have been a popular choice of subjects. Even though I was severely chastised by my oldest offspring, and I'm sure my aunts and cousins cringed when they saw this one, I find it necessary to leave this one up for one more day. As usual, the comments are much more entertaining than I could ever hope to be. So, for those of you who have never ventured onto the comment page, just roll your britches legs up, scroll down through the non-sense, and click on the little "comment with the number beside it." Just like magic, laughs and giggles await you.

...and Wicked Witch, since when do you call me MOTHER ?

*********************************************************

Have you ever wondered what makes poop float...or sink? I'm talking about the bouyancy of human waste. What is the cause of these different behaviors?

Of course you have wondered about it. Even if you haven't ever wondered about it, you've noticed it. You know you have. I've always wondered about it but never asked anyone if there is a definitive about whether one's output should float...or sink. One thing that's for sure... all poop stinks. Even though there are those out there who would like for us to think theirs didn't.

As usual, my TV was on the other day, squawking to itself when I heard this question. "Why does some poop float and some poop sink?"  I was immediately drawn to the screen, captivated, holding my breath, waiting for the answer. You might be wondering what channel my TV was on. Or maybe not. It's that new show, "The Doctors." It was the episode of "Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask Your Doctor But Were Too Embarassed to Ask."

One of the doctors explained that medical wisdom attributes "Floaters" to the amount of fat in your poop.  He really didn't go into detail anymore than that, I guess because he's heard that old saying, "The More You Stir $hi+, The More It Stinks." 

I decided to research this a bit more and found that certain diseases might cause "Floaters" like cystic fibrosis, celiac disease, bilary astresia, abetalipoprotenimia, and a few other weird sound illnesses. But most likely, there's nothing wrong with you if your poop floats.

Also, some vegetarians believe that the "perfect" stool i.e. one uncontaminated by the consumption of animal parts, is the "Floater." It is my understanding that many vegetarians have spent their entire lives in the quest to produce perfection. When the fact is, no particular diet can reliably produce "Floaters." The vast majority of us bring forth "Sinkers."

(Why are you still reading?)

And you know that "Sinkers" are dependable.  You know what I mean. They can be depended on to go down with one flush. It's those "Floaters" that can cause us much constipation consternation, especially when we're visiting at someone's house, and those little stinkers just swirl round and round and won't go down. I mean, how many flushes will it take before others in the next room start wondering what's going on in the bathroom.  The commode sounds like it's having seizures or something.

Now, I'm thinking, if enough of you comment and share, and I can gather enough empirical evidence, document the results in a fashion that others will enjoy reading, and maybe win a Pulitzer Prize on writing about Health Related Topics.

If not, there's one thing for sure. I'll bet the next time you go poopy, you'll check to see if you produced "Floaters" or "Sinkers."

Comments

[NLL]

So after your "moon" post, were you "moved" to discuss poop?

[the planet of janet]

i giggled when i saw the title of this post in my reader -- because, really, i'm an 8-year-old boy.

and i figured you were making some kind of clever play on words.

but no.

you were talking about poop.

thank you, swampy. you have renewed my faith in mankind today.

[Joy T.]

I'm a sinker. But only in the poop department, not life. In the life department, I'm a floater all the way. That was for your data. So remember the little people when you get that Pulitzer. Good lord I laughed all the way through this post. I mean really. Who writes about poops LOL And more importantly....who sits and reads to the very end!!! *raising her hand slowly*

[Sayre]

I remember reading Marilou Henner's book about health and beauty (I cannot remember the name of it) and there was a chapter DEVOTED to this! I read with some fascination, then decided that she had WAY too much time on her hands.

I have decided that if you have enough air in your "system", you'll produce more floaters. But if you're fairly streamlined in this area, you'll make more sinkers.

[Simply Jenn]

Moons and Poops. You sure are broadening (ha!) my horizons this week. FYI, mine are all sinkers unless I am sick with IBS or a stomach bug. (I also knew the answer to the question "does your poop float or sink?"- do I get a prize? You know, like a moon? Or a shiny bald head. Either will do!

[Equoni]

Only you, dear Swampy, would devote a post to this topic!!! It did make me laugh though!!! I have to admit, in 22 years as a vegetarian not ONCE did this EVER cross my mind, as a reason, as a goal, as a side effect, or even as something to ponder!!!

[12ontheinside]

Hahahahahaha.

That is all I can say.

[Karmyn R]

In college, my roommate was quite into this phenomenon - if it sunk she knew she had eaten healthy because apparently, she knew fat floated. (or vice versa - I just thought she was weird and too obsessed with her weight)

[Faye]

I once had a neighbor who obsessed about the requsite number of "coils" in his porcelain. Three was about right. Any less and he'd have his wife baking bran muffins. And they were newly weds. Call me crazy, but I have a hard time figuring out how they(she) kept romance alive. . .

[junebug]

I saw that show with Dr. Oz about poop. Mainly sinkers and stinkers here. Yeah, I said it. It's a habit of mine. Daily. :D

[WT]

I've worked in sewage treatment plants, nothing new here ;)

[lis]

Well I don't bout anyone else but I'm pooped *lol*...
You've done it again Swampy (clapping here)another 'shock n ahhh'...

[Karisma]

As we say down here! "Bugger, bum, shit, poop!" Thats like the equivalent to saying "Oh Fuck!" In a polite kind of way would you believe? I always miss out on all the fun posts!

Now I can vouch that vegie poop, rather than floating, just explodes, there is no holding it! LOL! Its a definate to keep you regular!

And yes Poop is the ultimate "dinner" conversation at my table if the BIL is present. He likes to freak out my guests. It never fails, he reverts the conversation to someones pooping habits. (He is the PROVERBIAL pain in the ASS!)

For the record, my expert opinion is....floating poop is actually considered good for you, just the right amount of roughage! Sinkers are the bad ones, full of fat and carnivoric substances.

[chrisb]

I am laughing hysterically-I have an aunt who is a Dr so this has often been the topic of conversations when any of us have ailments relating to the intestines!

[janis]

I too saw Dr Oz, that man is so knowlegeable. Most people don't realize how important it is to poop! When you get older it can make a difference between a good and bad day, hahhaha. Bran flakes are my friend! That is one thing every one in the world has in common. Maybe we should have a national "Poop Dy"

[Swampy]

NLL: About your comment...that's not alliteration or hyperbation, or hyperbole, or imagery or metaphor or parallelism or rhyme or symbolisn or simile or onomatapoeia...what is it? Oh wait, onomatapoeia (it's not) but that word does fit in with today's topic...poeia...get it?

JANETonHeronPLANET: So glad to have had been a part of renewing your faith. And, how many personalities DO you have? An eight year old one day...tomorrow and grouchy old Maxine, maybe?

JOYT: Ah, I see the moral to your comment: "When life gives you shit, you float."

SAYRE: Enough "air" in your system. I know people who have enough "air" in their systems they could inflate hot air balloons. Now, that's a visual for you. Think about it.

SIMPLYJENN: Yeah, you'll get a prize. I'll try to send it today...Only you would think you won something at my place.

EQUONI: Well, see, now you have something to ponder. Everytime you "go," you'll probably think of "floaters," "sinkers," and me.

12onTHEINSIDE:OK, I'll have to head over to your place. Don't know that you've ever been to The Asylum before. Thanks for the visit. Ya'll come back now, hear?

KARMYNR: Sounds like my girls when they were potty training. They loved admiring their work.

FAYE: "Coils"...reminds me of something my ex said once, "Looks like a water mocassin came up through the plumbing."

JUNEBUG: Habit? The show or pooping?

DUByaT: Well. Well. Well. Post a topic on shit, and look who comes out of the woodwork. Just sayin.

LIS: Does just "poop you out" doesn't it?

KARISMA: Well, there's absolutely no about who I'll ask to write the preface of my Pulitzer Prize winning book...you just don't mince with words, do you my friend.

CHRISB: Nothing like a good 'old conversation about bowel movements at the dinner table...especially if whole corn is being served.

[Swampy]

JANIS: You sneaked in and we were posting at the same time...What a great idea for a "World-Wide Poop Day"...Maybe that could be a Mon Funday topic some day.

[hulagirlatheart]

Apparently, my mother in law is a vegetarian, and I didn't know it. She's obviously is search of SOMETHING with all that Milk of Magnesia she has us buy for her at the grocery store.

Tip: Flaxseed is your friend.

[Aoj & The Lurchers]

I can't believe I'm about to respond to this!!

Sinkers.....everytime!

[Pamela]

when I was little if any and woke up feeling a bit under the weather (same with my 7 siblings) my dad would say "whats wrong with you? haven't you had your grunt today?"

I didn't know it was called anything else for many years.

and yes -- I wondered about floaters and sinkers -- and now you have answered my life long obsession.

(I wish my cousin was still alive -- I could tell him why it was his cross to bear - to have to bat the little wave tossed turds away to no avail before the boat circled back to pick him up after he let go of the ski rope.)

[Wicked Witch]

Somethings should not be blogged about, MOTHER! OMG! I bought you Town and Country for a reason, now go read it. :)

[Swampy]

HULAGIRLatHEART: Yes, I've been introduced to the Flax Seed Phenomenon and it does work. Plus, it's much better in my bran muffins than Milk of "Magnesium."

AOJandtheLURCHERS: Ain't it crazy what a blog'll do for you?...and cause you to do?

PAMELA: Thank you very much. I'll never get in the lake again..."batting away the little wave tossed turds"...That could be the title of a country song dealing with someone's ex.

WICKEDWITCH: Ah, and look who else came forth with a comment...my oldest! I kinda wondered what your take would be on this one, but didn't have to wonder very long. See, if this post proves anything, it proves that if I want any of my offspring to comment, just post about something like "Floaters" and "Sinkers." Now, excuse me while I go curl up by the fire with my new Town and Country magazine. Thank you very much. Wonder if there's an article about this topic in the December issue? Stay tuned for the next post...no tellin'...

[tina L]

Now that's what I call a great post it doesn't get much better than talking about poop. Most of mine a sinkers but I do get the occasional floater and your right those suckers never seem to want to flush away.Thanks for the giggle.

[Nekked Lizard Lady]

Hey western-slope cousin, I got a couple of MOONS for you at our blog...

[Melissa in NZ]

Well.
For the first time in two weeks, I have been able to load full posts around the blogosphere, and what do I find? Willowtree is getting back together with his blog after being a cheating b*stard with Plurk, and you're posting about poop.

It's good to be back.
:o)

[Lori]

I have not stopped laughing since I started reading this and kept laughing right on through the great comments. I woke my husband who was sleeping in the chair. He asked me what I was laughing about and I told him I was reading someones blog about poop. He looked at me, shook his head and went to bed. There's nothing like a good story about poop before I go to bed. Thanks for the great laugh...still laughing!

[Cat]

This is awesome.

[nikki]

Poop and farts always make for the best laughs.

[Bobbie Leigh]

Came over from Nikki's page: I love poop talk, it makes me giggle.

[Alison]

Ahh...poop...just tonight at dinner Dave and I were having a conversation about our children's educational future and out of nowhere I told Dave about the size of our son's poop from morning and how long it took me to unplug the toilet and how I was amazed it came out of his little bottom...perfect dinner time conversation in our house...

then I come here and get a science lesson on poop...what a perfect ending to my day...thanks Swampy!!

[Smart Mouth Broad]

You are too funny! I just love this Sh*t! LOL

[chrisb]

swampy I'm back to say my girls always call me MOTHER when they are displeased with something I say on on my blog- I think it is hilarious hehehe