Message from the Emergency Swampcast System: It has come to my attention that "posting about poop" seemed to have been a popular choice of subjects. Even though I was severely chastised by my oldest offspring, and I'm sure my aunts and cousins cringed when they saw this one, I find it necessary to leave this one up for one more day. As usual, the comments are much more entertaining than I could ever hope to be. So, for those of you who have never ventured onto the comment page, just roll your britches legs up, scroll down through the non-sense, and click on the little "comment with the number beside it." Just like magic, laughs and giggles await you.
...and Wicked Witch, since when do you call me MOTHER ?
Have you ever wondered what makes poop float...or sink? I'm talking about the bouyancy of human waste. What is the cause of these different behaviors?
Of course you have wondered about it. Even if you haven't ever wondered about it, you've noticed it. You know you have. I've always wondered about it but never asked anyone if there is a definitive about whether one's output should float...or sink. One thing that's for sure... all poop stinks. Even though there are those out there who would like for us to think theirs didn't.
As usual, my TV was on the other day, squawking to itself when I heard this question. "Why does some poop float and some poop sink?" I was immediately drawn to the screen, captivated, holding my breath, waiting for the answer. You might be wondering what channel my TV was on. Or maybe not. It's that new show, "The Doctors." It was the episode of "Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask Your Doctor But Were Too Embarassed to Ask."
One of the doctors explained that medical wisdom attributes "Floaters" to the amount of fat in your poop. He really didn't go into detail anymore than that, I guess because he's heard that old saying, "The More You Stir $hi+, The More It Stinks."
I decided to research this a bit more and found that certain diseases might cause "Floaters" like cystic fibrosis, celiac disease, bilary astresia, abetalipoprotenimia, and a few other weird sound illnesses. But most likely, there's nothing wrong with you if your poop floats.
Also, some vegetarians believe that the "perfect" stool i.e. one uncontaminated by the consumption of animal parts, is the "Floater." It is my understanding that many vegetarians have spent their entire lives in the quest to produce perfection. When the fact is, no particular diet can reliably produce "Floaters." The vast majority of us bring forth "Sinkers."
(Why are you still reading?)
And you know that "Sinkers" are dependable. You know what I mean. They can be depended on to go down with one flush. It's those "Floaters" that can cause us much constipation consternation, especially when we're visiting at someone's house, and those little stinkers just swirl round and round and won't go down. I mean, how many flushes will it take before others in the next room start wondering what's going on in the bathroom. The commode sounds like it's having seizures or something.
Now, I'm thinking, if enough of you comment and share, and I can gather enough empirical evidence, document the results in a fashion that others will enjoy reading, and maybe win a Pulitzer Prize on writing about Health Related Topics.
If not, there's one thing for sure. I'll bet the next time you go poopy, you'll check to see if you produced "Floaters" or "Sinkers."