I do not make New Year's Resolutions. Mainly because I never keep them longer than it takes me to make them. But I do start the year reflecting on the past year, imagining that I might finish what I started, finish what I started, finish what I started. I always try to learn something new and see things from a different perspective. The latter is the reason for this post.
Last year I found myself spending more time with my sons-in-law...even having a new one added to the family. Watching the dynamics of these families and their interactions has created an awareness that I am openly acknowledging today. Having only daughters may have caused me to have lop-sided opinions.
So, instead of continuing with any further explanation, I'll just dedicate this post to theHansMan, and all my sons-in-law, and to any other guys out there who have happened to find themselves reading here.
We always hear the rules from the female side.
Now, here are the rules from the male side:
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it !
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for and it can be found in the dictionary after $hi+ and suicide.
1. A headache that lasts for 4 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven (7) days. Count them S.E.V.E.N.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions. Neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit. Not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say, "Nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really !
1. If you have to ask if it makes you look fat, you probably are.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape.
1. ______________________________ (Guys, feel free to add any more.)
2. ______________________________(Gals, feel free to add rebuttals.)
Someday soon, I will be home and visiting all of you again. Happy Weekend.