Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This...

...she just didn't tell me there would be seven or fourteen of them in a row !

My oldest daughter and her fiance's wedding is sixteen days and eight hours from right now. Give or take an hour or two. It may have become apparent for those of you who have been reading here for awhile that I am an anal/retentive/obsessive/compulsive list maker. In other words, my clothes for each event have been laid out for days in little stacks with the shoes and jewelry that go with each outfit.

My days at the athletic club have been filled with yoga, pilates, cardio-sculpt, and weight lifting just to tone up keep my tummy from hanging over my waist bands. I was doing great because I could zip the zippers to the top and almost button the buttons.

I found this gal who did a great hair cut. I've used her for several months. Gave her a picture of the hair cut I liked and just like "shear-magic" she re-created it on my head. My very own head. A great look for the wedding.

The new products for my face have been working great. Skin was clearer than it had been in a long time.

Overnight, about a week ago, things went to hell-in-a-hand-basket. We're talking in eight hours this happened. All during the same night. I woke up with a scratchy throat. Very subtle, but nonetheless, I recognized the symptoms of a full-fledged cold coming on. My left incisor had some little flutterings in it that caught my attention. A place on the side of my nose felt sore and tender. Upon closer inspection, I noticed a slight redness in that general area. And, my hair seemed to have grown three inches and totally out of shape during the time my head was on my pillow. How does that happen? One day your hair is perfect and the next day you need a hair cut yesterday.

By noon, I have sneezed twenty-three times, and my nose is manufacturing snot by the buckets. So much, that I took strips of paper towels and stuffed them in both nostrils. Once they became saturated, and expanded they fit rather nicely. The little flutterings in that tooth had progressed into lightning bolts that proceeded from the tooth, up my nose, past that sore spot that had now doubled in size, between my eyes, and out the top of my head. The second inspection of my nose revealed not just a red spot, but a very swollen, b-b sized red spot that was now throbbing. I know it was throbbing. I could SEE it throbbing. At this point, I'm not sure if it's my tooth or the zit that was growing out the side of my nose causing the disturbance. My hair seemed to have grown another inch.

We're leaving on a five-day road trip in forty-eight hours, so I call my dentist and my hair dresser to take care of these problems before heading out. Notice, I've not mentioned going to the athletic club since the first paragraph.  I can feel the elastic in my warm-ups stretching, so I know the ring-around-my stomach has ballooned somewhat.

Because I have this on-going battle with my teeth, the receptionist at the dentist office recognizes my voice and asks, "What's wrong today, Kathy?"  Upon hearing the pain and panic in my voice, she books an appointment for me that afternoon. I call the salon and luckily my hair cut gal has had a cancellation and I can fit it in just before my dentist appointment.

I'll not go into the gory details, but my dentist shared the good news that my tooth is abcessed (my fourth to do me the honor). An appointment was made with my endodontist for the next day. My hair cut gal went ape-$hit crazy with the scissors. I do not like for my bangs to be cut above my very asymmetrical eyebrows. I was just thankful I left with my eyebrows.

That evening, I donned my baseball cap, plastered a band-aid saturated in something on my nose, drank some Day-Quil because I didn't have Ny-Quil (is there a difference?), took my prescribed antibiotics, and went to bed. Yes, I wore the cap to bed. What's your point?

Fast forward.

I swear my hair is shrinking. It seems to get shorter everyday. Either that or my eyebrows are moving down my face. My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton but weighs more than an anvil. How can cotton be so heaby. I tawk li dis. My consonant blends seemed to be lodged somewhere in my sinus cavities. No air can be expelled out my nose. And speaking of my nose, that zit has taken on a life of it's own. I may qualify for the Guiness Book of World Records if it gets much bigger.

That night at dinner, I casually mention my zit, which was, by the way on the side of my nose opposite to where theHansMan was sitting.

"Can you see the zit on my nose?"

"Yeah, is that the hump I notice?"

"What hump?"

"The one on the top of your nose."

"You mean it has spread to the TOP of my nose?"

"Well, there's a hump there."

"Point to it."

"Here."

"Hans, that hump has been there since I was twelve when I got hit by a baseball and no one believed me when I told them it was broken."

"Oh."

"Can you see my zit?"

"Not if you put you hand over your nose or if I shut my eyes."

"Shut up."

***************************************************

The appointment for my root canal is today. I've been taking antibiotics which is a good thing because maybe, just maybe my cold won't morph into a sinus infection. My head is throbbing. Not sure if it's the tooth, the zit, or the large amount of congestion boiling above my shoulders, or a combination. My hair is still short.

If things don't change before the August 25th wedding, I will be wearing a baseball cap, fake paraffin lips/teeth, a sling on my nose, and sweat pants complete with a draw-string.

******************************************************

And just as proof, here is a reminder of my on-going dilemma with my teeth.

Here's an x-ray. I think maybe it's upside down. The white areas are plates and those long, spindly things are root canals. I can cause a melt-down of those machines at airport security with just my head.

I had visions of looking like this, except longer bangs...(thank you Min.)

I don't think it's going to happen.

*******************************************************************

My personality/attitude transplant is scheduled for tomorrow.

Oh, and one last thing, "Does my butt look big?"

Comments

[Willowtree]

Oh Swampy, you poor thing! (there is absolutely no sarcasm in that statement).

[nessa]

I don't see no zit. Your butt looks like a size 2 and there's another 20 dyas before the wedding. You will look way better than Catherine; like her younger sister.

[min]

Your timing is great! You're getting it all over in plenty of time for the big event. I get enormous cold sores when I'm stressed, that's always accompanied by a sinus infection, which pushes on my dental my canals...making my head sore, keeping me from eating etc, always the same week as the opening/wedding/interview.
Where did you say you're going for the attitude transplant? I may need a referral.

[laurie]

here's the deal: whoever that model is whose picture you posted has no personalit. zilch. she looks two-dimensional. you, on the other hand, have sparkle and zest in your face. get a tooth, and you'll be perfect!

my nephew is getting married aug. 18 in california. i've been trying to lose five pounds for the occasion. my body wasn't listening very well and instead i gained five pounds.

hope you feel better.

[Simply Jenn]

Oh Swampy- that's a lot to deal with at once. Sixteen days is more than plenty to get all of that dealt with and you will be beautiful and thin for your daughter's wedding. What a joyous occassion!

[mjd]

Swampy, I am sorry that all of these trials have happened just before the wedding. However, you still look beautiful in the photo; that heart of gold is shining through the picture. By the day of the wedding, the zit will be gone; the tooth will be fixed; and your hair will have grown to the perfect length. On August 25th, Catherine will be showing a picture of you to her stylist.

[Sandy]

All of the above - and if it doesn't work, try the old Texas remedy. Rat your hair out until it's 3 inches wider than your tush - people will be so distracted by your beautiful coif they won't even notice your zit. Feel better soon.

[Brian]

Oh my dear Swampy. You look great and I'm sure that the list of all the medical and sundry trauma has run its course. Relax and enjoy the wedding. :)

[nikki]

I don't care what you say, I still think you are a babe. I hope you feel better before the big event and that your latest root canal is fast and painless.

[janet]

I saw a glow over those mountains, comin from your direction, last night and wondered what it might be, now I know, it was that zit. lol

Aren't you glad all this happened before the wedding?

[RWA]

Hang in there. I'm sure everything will be fine by the 25th.

As far as DayQuil vs. NyQuil, there is a difference - to me at least. DayQuil gets me through the day, and NyQuil puts me out like a light.

[wolfbaby]

i agree it will all go away by the big day and at least its happening now intead of the day before *knock on wood* you will nothing less then perfect on the big day. did i say that right? meaning you will be beatiful perfect on the big day

[Karmyn R]

K-

OH NO!!!! I am so sorry. At least this is happening now and not in 15 days. Hang in there!!!

[Arkansas Songbird]

Oh, my!! Those zits just seem to pop up at the most inopportune times. I dab a little triple antibiotic ointment on my troublesome facial eruptions and that dries them up in a hurry. Honestly, it is the best thing I've ever used on zits. Wish I had known about it as a teenager. As for the rest, well, I am confident all will be well for the wedding, but am so sorry you are having to suffer through all this stressful stuff!! And, BTW, if you had smiled with your mouth shut, I wouldn't have been able to tell that there were two different Catherine's pictured!!

[Susan]

It's so not fair to have zits and wrinkles at the same time. (Not to say that you have wrinkles or anything...I was talking about MY wrinkles...you face is just as flawless as your tiny little butt...well, except for that zit) Yeah, I'll be going now...do you feel better yet?

It's all going to be PERFECT for the wedding!

[her indoors]

so apart from that hows things?!
you will get rid of the cold, the zit, the tooth problem post haste days do you hear me!
the hair will be just perfect for the wedding too
go to bed and get plenty of rest

[neroli]

Swampy-girl, all these Wise People telling you that all they can see is One Gorgeous Lady are absolutely right.
That smile is wonderful because *you* come through.
*ahem* with CZ-J!
PS--if it helps, a funny story: once I blew off my eyebrows and gave myself 2nd degree burns on my face lighting an antique range.
I drove to another state to teach an all-day class the next day.
Poor peoples filing in the door...must have been thinking, don't stare, don't stare, oh god, I'm staring!
Everyone will just be noticing your smile.

[Equoni]

Does your butt look big??? Not even when you wear those padded bike shorts!
I'm sure everything will be resolved and perfect for the wedding...just be glad you are getting it out of the way now!
I know about those bang-butchers...I had one take over 2 inches off my bangs once! My mother tried to comb them longer...then she tried to say it wasn't so bad...but she couldn't keep from laughing long enough to get the words out. They weren't just short...they were crooked too! I looked like a housewife on meth for months!
P.S. The antibiotics will help with the zit too!

[Pamela]

the tooth has the root of all evil

[Robin]

I really have missed a lot, haven't I? Here's the thing. You're "touched"...yes, you have a gift! I'm totally feeling every inch of your pain, and totally smiling as I read :). Not AT you, WITH you (and I know you understand the difference!).

Everyone's already said my general sentiment--better NOW than LATER!

Nevah a dull moment, Kath...NEVAH!

(do you ever wish for one or two?)

Smiles across the miles, sweets....:).