Sauntering Soul is our hostess this week. First of all, it is necessary that I totally understand the meaning of sauntering:
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)
Saunter \Saun"ter\, v. i. [imp. & p. p. Sauntered; p. pr. &
vb. n. Sauntering.] [Written also santer.] [Probably fr. F.
s'aventurer to adventure (one's self), through a shortened
form s'auntrer. See Adventure, n. & v.]
To wander or walk about idly and in a leisurely or lazy
manner; to lounge; to stroll; to loiter.
One could lie under elm trees in a lawn, or saunter in
meadows by the side of a stream. --Masson.
Syn: To loiter; linger; stroll; wander.
Sauntering Soul's sub-title: Full of scrambled wisdom and defunct fantasies. Does this make you feel like we may all be just roaming around loose today because Sauntering Soul is our leader?
If not, keep reading. This is our challenge: "I know we all try to be sweet and kind to people the majority of the time. But let's face it....we also know that sometimes we can be a big jerk. It could be that you experience road rage from time to time. Perhaps you empty the coffee pot at work some mornings and don't feel like taking the time to start a new pot for the next person. Or maybe you don't return phone calls on a timely basis when you know someone needs a response from you. Have you ever "accidentally" ruined a favorite shirt of your spouse just because you didn't care for it? Come on - it's confession time! List the small things you do that make you a jerk and elaborate just a bit on each one. Please tell me I'm not the only jerk around here!"
UPDATE ! Message from the Emergency SWAMPcast System: Someone is stealing Fun Monday Posts. Beware ! I've done some investigating and came up with THIS CLUE. (P.S. The definition of a funny little "jerk" is waiting for you there...also, defined is plagarism, copyright infrigement, and whatever else you can think of when someone is this crafty. He mentions, "having his pants down." What he fails to remember: I'm 10 years older than he is. I"ve changed his diaper. There were photos. I have a scanner. I know how to use it...
Now on with the show:
Here's what hit my brain, in the order of whacks:
1)
The Jerk is the 1979 rags-to-riches-to-rags comedy film of belated self-discovery. This was Steve Martin's first starring role in a feature film. The film also features Bernadette Peters, M. Emmet Walsh and Jackie Mason.
In 2000, readers of Total Film magazine voted The Jerk the 48th greatest comedy film of all time.
This film is number 20 on Bravo's "100 Funniest Movies", and number 89 on AFI's 100 Years... 100 Laughs.
2) 
Jerky is meat that has been cut into strips trimmed of fat, marinated in a spicy, salty or sweet liquid, and then dried with low heat (usually under 70°C/160°F) or occasionally salted and sun-dried. The result is a salty, stripped, semi-sweet snack that can be stored without refrigeration. Jerky is an early application of food preservation techniques. It is also very expensive. On a recent road trip with my cousin, Nekked Lizard Man, we ate our weight in jerky. My teeth were sore from gnawing on that leathery substance. We tried every flavor from teriyaki, to peppered, to liver flavored, to sweet and spicy, Jamaican jerk jerky, Cajun, and, my all-time favorite: hot enough to melt your tongue and fry your brain. My digestive juices are still working overtime.
3) This one, I TOTALLY understand, Yes, I do. You know I do !
It is well known that the first derivative of position (symbol x) with respect to time is velocity (symbol v) and the second is acceleration (symbol a). It is a little less well known that the third derivative, i.e. the rate of change of acceleration, is technically known as jerk (symbol j). Jerk is a vector but may also be used loosely as a scalar quantity because there is not a separate term for the magnitude of jerk analogous to speed for magnitude of velocity.
In the UK jolt has sometimes been used instead of jerk and may be equally acceptable.
Doo-whut??
4) And FINALLY, my very own Jerk Story. Yes I know you're excited to know this is THE END. Here is the reason AnodeMan is more than willing to do his own laundry:
He had this favorite pastel yellow windbreaker. (Notice HAD is past tense. Why he had a pretty, yellow pastel windbreaker... I do not know.) How was I to know there were holes in the pockets and everything that was supposed to be in the pockets was actually nestled between the lining and the sweater-like stretchy fabric along the bottom? How was I supposed to know that there were about seven (7), count them SEVEN pieces of "Dubble Bubble-Bubble Gum" that were supposed to be in the pockets, but weren't. Do you know the damage that SEVEN pieces of Dubble Bubble Bubble Gum can do to a pretty pastel yellow windbreaker...the entire washer-load of clothes...not to mention, what they can do to the washing machine?
So, if you ever don't want to have to do the laundry ever again, try my method. I promise. I didn't do it on purpose. I promise. I wasn't a jerk on porpoise.
5) Which makes me think of this:
Never swallow bubble gum
and discreetly try to expel
air while working out.
6) You've just been given the Six or Seven Degrees of Separation between Steve Martin and Bubble Gum.
7) I never said I could count. The End.
8) Oh, yeah. And Sandy was shocked and appalled that I forgot an important JERK. She reminded me of This One. Thank you, Sandy for bringing back embarassing moments that I had blocked from my memory of trying to do this in high school...Step #7: You should look like a jerky money conducting a band... "Well, I did."
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Update on Bill: He has been moved to a smaller facility and is continuing to improve. The laceration on his forehead has healed nicely and his eye is no longer swollen shut. He will be in the neck brace for a while longer. You can bet on two things that haven't changed: his smile and positive attitude.
If you don't know who Bill is, here are the links:
One
Two
Three
Thanks to all of you who have mailed get well cards for me to deliver to him. He certainly enjoys receiving them.
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About the puppy pictured below...His name is Cassius (as is Cassius Clay the "boxer"), and, no, he did not come to live at The Desert Swamp. His home is in Denver and he is being spoiled rotten by his new owner as we speak.
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Mountain View, California: You win with the most looks "lurks" this week.
Well, the old broom wouldn't start, so I had to use this goose to fly to 
Well, now, we're going to have a virtual Baby Shower for Miss KarmynR. She is due on May 23. I'm not going to tell you what they are having, you'll just have to go 
